#8761
Post rating: ~
im assuming i misread your posts again so i am sorry
#8762
Post rating: +
we all want you to succeed at this. were rooting for you
#8763
Post rating: ~
its cool that i posted about this on the other forum and someone made a single post asking what ifap was and it immediately turned into over a half a page of people talking about jacking off
#8764
Post rating: +

tears posted:

we all want you to succeed at this. were rooting for you


thank you.

#8765
Post rating: ~
well i did invite an irl comrade to here and the other place recently. i saw them lurking the blue offsite and i pmd them about it and they havent seen it yet tho im sure theyll look of course, which i gave them permission to do because really i dont have anything to hide. lol. and they told me i should come to an irl organizing thing on sunday and another on monday so im goign to make an attempt to get off the off-site at least for a few hours, soon.
#8766
Post rating: ~
i will say no one in this city knows the extent of my issues so im sure that will be enlightening for them. i dont think i can even keep it a secret from irls at this point anymore really
#8767
Post rating: ~
more evidence above that this is an issue of not having any kind of well-thouhgt out undertsnaidng of privacy and how to utilize it. i promise its not because im an obsessive stalker because i do shit like the above too lol. i posted awhile back about how this problem may be related to assuming im being watched all the time in the past but more fundamentally i think its a structural issue with my relationship to again social reality in a psychotic way.. to be theoretical about it i guess its like well that classic lack of disntinction between inside/outside, my entire way of existing doesnt have any internatlized notion of privacy in a very fundamental wya. to use an ego psychology idea its about lacking 'ego boundaries' i suppose. i dont think this is fixable.. its inherent to the condition but im sure theres some kind of compensation i could come up with. need to work on this lol badly. gonna take it to my analyst and probably start doing some deep reading on like security practice because even if its not directly relevant because this problem isnt completely political i think it would give me some ideas i could use. im sorry
#8768
Post rating: ~
i think ill be able to get some sleep soon.. not immediately but possibly within the next hour.. i will consider ifap and check thread tomorrow
#8769
Post rating: ~
kinda just catching up to this now because it’s the one thread i don’t really follow. i’ve avoided the thread with “real life” in the title. does this say anything about me? no. it doesn’t. shut up. this isn’t about me
#8770
Post rating: ~

icon posted:

kinda just catching up to this now because it’s the one thread i don’t really follow. i’ve avoided the thread with “real life” in the title. does this say anything about me? no. it doesn’t. shut up. this isn’t about me


hello icon. unfortunately my brain isnt working and i have no idea how to read this post right now! im going to sleep very soon, but first im going to see if the jacking off discussion has reached two pages yet. cheers

#8771
[account deactivated]
#8772
Post rating: ~

Fayafi posted:

Trust me, forums are no substitute for community. Reconnect with family if you can, hit up old friends... internet addiction is bad



the only people who will tolerate me irl are people i know from organizing which is fine because theyre really good for me......... however i dont get to see them as often as i need to really.. people dont treat me nicely im too brain dmaaged from online. its a real problem lol. i tried dating a normie for a while and it was reallky hard because i felt like she didnt understand me at all despite being very in love with me. we broke up but i know she wants to get back together and im jsut kind of avoiding her lol.. oops. i said i was going to bed but now im not tired again lol

#8773
Post rating: ~
i posted about my gf online and some internet rando was uhh sincerely surprised. im like yeah i know you probably clocked me as an incel! dont mind that im almost 27 and this was my first realtiuonship or anything. cheers
#8774
Post rating: ~
its really sad that a big part of why i dnt want to get back together is that im too busy posting online and gameing hahahhaha. it was becoming a problem towards the end and i dont want to stop. im not an online addict or antyhing. dont worry about me
#8775
Post rating: +
craving bread
#8776
Post rating: ~
she called me drunk the other night having a meltdown about how much she loved me and stuff and then went into a rant about how people treated her badly and mentioned being black and also working in tech and being rich in the same sentence as examples. it was bad lol. she makes a six figure salary and the class difference and politics stuff was weird too.. she was radicalizing but still has a long ways to go i think and im not really up for that

Edited by graphicalUSSRinterface ()

#8777
Post rating: ~
in addition im very mentally unwell right now probably moreso than ive been in an extremely long time which is kind of scaring me actually and i know she would not understand so im jsut not telling her anything. dont want to do that thanks!
#8778
Post rating: +++++
All of us are deeply internet poisoned on some fundamental level, you are likely not as alone in your feelings of social isolation as you think. the difference is that people here recognise that this terminally obscure offsite can't serve as a substitute for a real life supportive community, and relying on it for your emotional stability is a deeply unhealthy coping mechanism.
#8779
[account deactivated]
#8780
Post rating: ~
i need to sleep badly.. haha. im very tired. just waiting to be able to. soon i hope. cant be much longer at this point
#8781
Post rating: ~
to be clear im not putting off sleeping to post. my sleep-wake cylce is extremely fucked so i think im going to be able to but then i suddenly am not tired.. lots of false hope lol. i really want to go to bed more than anything
#8782
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: ~
.
#8783
Post rating: +
Sourdough is the best kind of bread. I have very strong opinions on this matter
#8784
Post rating: ~

swampman posted:

.


this makes me nervous lol

#8785
Post rating: ~
i tried to sleep and it didnt work. i hope to soon resume being less of an obnoxious carelord on the forums...... in addition,
#8786
Post rating: ~

pogfan1996 posted:

Sourdough is the best kind of bread. I have very strong opinions on this matter


im inclined to agree

#8787
Post rating: ~
Yeah
One, two, princes kneel before you
That's what I said, now
Princes, Princes who adore you
Just go ahead, now
One has diamonds in his pockets
That's some bread, now
This one, said he wants to buy you rockets
Ain't in his head, now
This one, got a princely racket
That's what I said, now
Got some big seal upon his jacket
Ain't in his head, now
You marry him, your father will condone you
How 'bout that, now
You marry me, your father will disown you
He'll eat his hat, now
Marry him or marry me
I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?
I ain't got no future or a family tree
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be
I know what a prince and lover ought to be
Said, if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And if you wanna buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now
Said
One, two, princes kneel before you
That's what I said, now
Princes, Princes who adore you
Just go ahead, now
One has diamonds in his pockets
That's some bread, now
This one, he wants to buy you rockets
Ain't in his head, now
Marry him or marry me
I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?
I ain't got no future or a family tree
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be
I know what a prince and lover ought to be
Said, if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And If you wanna buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now
And if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And if you like buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now
And if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
If you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
If you want to buy me flowers
Just, go ahead, now
And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now
Whoa whoa baby
Just go ahead now
Whoa, just, just go ahead now
Just go ahead now
Whoa you're majesty (just go ahead now)
Come on forget the king and marry me
Just go ahead now
C'mon
C'mon
Come on (just go ahead now)
Just go ahead now, yeah
Just go ahead now
If you want to buy me flowers
Just go ahead now
#8788
Post rating: ~
maybe go to sleep. insomnia is a hell of a drug
#8789
Post rating: ~

wasted posted:

maybe go to sleep. insomnia is a hell of a drug



i gotta wait.. waiting for the sleeping feeling to present itself.. sucks!

#8790
Post rating: ~
i porbably should just drug myself with antipsychotics again at this point though.. i think i probably need to do that but ill wait a little longer. sometimes when it gets this bad i have to out of necessity cause something bad could happen if im up too long. like sometimes i go 4 days straight but its not that bad right now. but i dont like doing it because that kind of brain drug makes me feel like shit for the entire next day. im really very happy i finally got off those things after a long period of enforced medication hahahaa. dont trust psychiatrists
#8791
drip city, baby
Post rating: ~
i'm not sleeping either
been a real 'i'm a bad wife and parent and that makes me the equivalent of a murderer' week
i don't think bernie 'AAHH!' sanders is going to pull it off... had a very awkward conversation/not conversation w an in-law (??) ab all of This, the politics bit. he's like 'oh so you're a communist too' but buddy i don't think either of us are prepared to commit to 'communist' as a position. he called fdr 'to the left of sanders' and invoked a 'french revolution type situation' re: the great depression.
thinking ab it this way is depressing bc everyone's political level is bunk but mine especially. have nothing by which to educate people for shit
#8792
drip city, baby
Post rating: +
oh i think i played this for him in the car rather than deigning to continue talking politics
#8793
Post rating: ~
that vid owns so hard. i was poisting it across all of the 5 or so sites i use again recenlty
#8794
Post rating: ~
furthewrmore, ive received some updated information. it turns out accordign to the latest stastistics that stalin in fact killed 20 people
#8795
Post rating: +
see if you can achieve an upvote to post ratio > 2 for 24 hours
#8796
Post rating: ~

tears posted:

see if you can achieve an upvote to post ratio > 2 for 24 hours



lol im neurotic about upvotes.. i think my posts are funny but it seems like my more thoughtful effortposts are way more successful and i obsess over post ratings hahaha. im also very embarrassed about misreading irony here and not to sound defensive but i think its probably because im having paranoia problems at the moment for real yeah?

its really easy to make cool psychoanalysis posts im just blogging about what im thinking , but i have stuff to say thats insightful about that because its really integrated into my thought process at this point. ill probably continue to do that as they are extremely low-effort but still high quality

i need to use twitter more because i think itd suit my particular type of desperate dopamine-seeking behaviuor well

#8797
Post rating: +
this is a very bad place to come seeking dopamine
#8798
Post rating: ~
still jhave not slept and am not tired. going to feed myself and then probably just take zyprexa i guess.. ugh. i hope it works sometimes it doesnt
#8799
[account deactivated]
#8800
Post rating: +
yeah this forum is a lot better when we all collectively play along with the illusion that sa, the network of offsites, & facebook meme groups don't exist.