i want to be dead. i want to slic eopen my arms and die. i want to hang myself and choke until i stop fucking breathing. im fucking worthless, fucking stupid, i have no talent, i'm repulsive and so hideous that im frightened to go out most of the time. i keep trying to do things to make me feel better but in the end it's all a load of shit and i realize i would be better off if i stopped breathing. everybody would be better off if i did. i want to die.
everything i do and try to do i fail at. i cant improve myself. im 24 and my life is no different than when i was in fucking high school. im a pile of shit and i want to kill myself. there's a box cutter in the basement but i cant even find it. i dont know what to do. im breaking down and i want to cut my throat. im breaking the fuck down and nothing is helping me. i want to die and the phrase "kill yourself" is throbbing in my thoughts. im so fucking worthless. i want a gun so fucking badly. if i had a gun i would have killed myself years ago and i wouldnt have to feel like this, i wouldnt have to suffer. i want to fucking cut my throat and die. it's a voice telling me i dont deserve life. i dont deserve it. a voice telling me to kill myself, urges pressing me forward, tying the noose
cut my throat and my wrists.
i still feel the Fear inside my chest and the weight of my failures, my shortcomings and utter stupidity and inability to adapt, it's crushing me. i can barely breathe, the weighty solid bars are piling on top of my chest, as if they wanted to crush my ribs and my heart is pounding under all that. i can't think and i'm covered in sweat, shaking so much. something is fucking wrong when i wake up sobbing shaking and clutching my chest
every atom in my body is screaming for me to die, for me to end the Fear once and for all. I need death
tpaine posted:i wish those people would stop beating themselves up for being garbage because we all are and the human civilization is ending
yeah. *pours another shot*
Crow posted:Thats sad lol
lol
all i do is lie in bed unmoving and unseeing, thinking of ways to die until they start spinning in my mind faster and faster and then i pull the razor blade out hold it to my throat and break down in low moaning sobs before putting it back
i cant look at myself in the mirror
Goethestein posted:I think i killed someone today, he was insulting me with homophobe srulrs and the way i look, i threw my jacket at him and when he was strugling yo take it off i slammed into those metal things that surrounds bushes, a metal rod went through his neck, i cant stop trembling, the sounds, the blood, i'm a fucking murderer i need to be put down like a sick animal i dont deserve to be alive. i feeel like shit i just need to off myself, im a piece of shit worse thatn shit a fucking murderer.-
Screencap this for posterity.
babyfinland posted:do you guys really believe that loony shit
i did such a fucking junkie thing today that i feel sick and upset and it only made me crave even more.
so i have this metal lockbox i keep important documents and non-smelly drugs in, and back when dope was way more available to me it was my junkbox. i noticed when i was looking for some papers and stuff today that there were large dried brown splashes on some of the papers, from working to cook everything up. so i ripped a bit of the paper and tasted it and good fucking god it tasted like heaven. after i dont know how many months it still kept.
i dont know why i was surprised because bill burroughs mentioned dripping dried h solution on a part of his coat until it stiffened so when he got locked up he could still shoot up
at least none of those particular papers meant much because i ended up ripping out all of the parts with the spilled stuff, cooked it with water, filtered it and shot it. and it worked well.
but now i feel fucking horrible about myself, the feeling's faded, my mouth is dry and i am empty. and craving even harder than before i found out
Goethestein posted:I think i killed someone today, he was insulting me with homophobe srulrs and the way i look, i threw my jacket at him and when he was strugling yo take it off i slammed into those metal things that surrounds bushes, a metal rod went through his neck, i cant stop trembling, the sounds, the blood, i'm a fucking murderer i need to be put down like a sick animal i dont deserve to be alive. i feeel like shit i just need to off myself, im a piece of shit worse thatn shit a fucking murderer.-
thats metal as fuick
MadMedico posted:How does a guy keep posting that exact same shit every day for over two years.
yeah how does goatstein do it
Goethestein posted:I think i killed someone today, he was insulting me with homophobe srulrs and the way i look, i threw my jacket at him and when he was strugling yo take it off i slammed into those metal things that surrounds bushes, a metal rod went through his neck, i cant stop trembling, the sounds, the blood, i'm a fucking murderer i need to be put down like a sick animal i dont deserve to be alive. i feeel like shit i just need to off myself, im a piece of shit worse thatn shit a fucking murderer.-