do yall think maybe the world is ending. ive been wrapped up in apocalyptic thoughts since i was a lot younger, and from what ive read and heard from ppl i talk to im not alone in this. it seems like people have been fantasizing about the world ending since we first emerged, so maybe i am fooling myself like i used to do with religion or those crazy stories i used to make up with my friends.
i feel like maybe this isnt just in my imagination this time. our environment is collapsing. none of our institutions respond to change or process new ideas. everything is subsumed in market logic. the complexities of climate change are reduced to another imaginary market of carbon credits. garbage swirls throughout our oceans and festers all over the land.
the revolutionary solutions that might depose these structures and replace them with environmentally survivable alternatives seem impossibly distant.
peacefully constructing an alternative society is problematic because alternative economies will always be at the mercy of the larger systems in which they are embedded. there is not much to feel accomplished about when your dignified egalitarian agrarian state has been shredded to ribbons by the arms of psychopath civilizations.
there is a strong ethical argument to be made in favor of oppressed peoples liberating themselves through violent revolution, and historical examples where this was clearly appropriate. however, the global peoples war required to depose the unprecedentedly powerful and deterritorialized might of the NATO armies, or whatever, would obliterate our remaining environmental support structures even if it had a snowballs chance of succeeding and lasting. the naxalites can secure territorial victories, but will their economic ambitions ever be realized if the indian state will always be there to sabotage them even if the formal war subsides?
seizing the state by peaceful means and instituting the truly radical political program required to deal with this apparently intractable crisis... sounds nice, and it would be amazing to construct a sustainable planned economy with the incredibly powerful bureaucratic and research tools that modern technology has afforded us (and all without bloodshed!), but the obvious problem here is that it has never been done. the promise is dangled in front of oppressed people and contributes to keeping them docile--after all, gradual change is inevitable, right? in this case, though, theres no hope of adaptation/accomodation because the dynamics of capital have already determined our collective behavior for the entirety of the limited window of time we've had to begin addressing this crisis complex. effective mass collective action needed to influence things would require a sea change in public consciousness that is unlikely to occur within this window.
at what point can we say we "know" something for sure? ive been toying with this notion that our species is doomed in the medium term for a while now, but ive always been able to avoid committing myself to it by reckoning that it is 'unproductive' and 'unprovable'. is it really unprovable though? if we know that these powerful and highly unstable institutions are on the verge of collapse, if we know that all of our options cannot work,
if ive established that we know the world is going to end, this opens up a whole horrible host of byproduct assumptions. like, if we're going to die having poisoned our planets life support systems, what does that say about all of human history leading up to it? all of our pretenses of progress were for nothing. everyone who struggled and suffered and died to liberate humanity from human oppression and the cruel vicissitudes of nature, everyone who was tortured or killed believing that a future, better society would be their vindication was just wrong. not even a little bit of romance is left. nothing left after that but for time to erode away our stupid remnants and eradicate all traces of our presence. no stateless proletariat society. no participatory social democracy, global civil society, or emergent society of anarchist voluntary collectives.
and what would it say about the nature of creation, if we humans were to all die out? all of our religious pretenses of future utopia would seem embarrassingly hollow at that point, or even our secular carl sagany narratives of humanity being birthed by the cosmos in order to know it and reconnect with it. and our assessment of the universe as a construct would have to be called into question. the universe would be a thing that comes into existence for no reason, creates a bunch of helpless, confused, frightened beings who behave monstrously in response to the abuses foisted upon them by their environment and their fellow humans, and kills them off after they accomplish absolutely nothing.
it would also cause us to turn our view of life on its head. instead of a process of growth in complexity/growth in elegance, life becomes a burden of pain, aging, sickness, and death, a hideous bloody struggle unto nothing. the notion that the universe can naturally generate living, suffering things, and that this happens frequently leading to no conclusion and bearing no purpose, is nightmarish. life is not a miracle or a blessing but an endlessly reoccuring nightmare.
i think about committing suicide a lot. im very scared when i think about life in the future. i dont think my old dreams or ambitions mean anything anymore, and without them i lose my source of comfort and inspiration. i sure dont think im going to have the money or infrastructural support needed to transition in an age of austerity and accelerating permanent decline. this persistent dread sucks the joy out of everything, and its only going to get worse as the situation continues to degrade worldwide. when i hear or see anything about politics, especially the insane savior myths offered by the election discourses, it reminds me of how life is pointless, and that everything i believe in and like is stupid, and my struggle to understand my own identity is meaningless, and therefore i am a stupid deluded piece of shit whose entire self is built on stupid pretenses. i want to die because i hate myself and i have no future.
dont forget to vote!