Get to know the monster behind the man, without the myth, and with the miserable truth about this truly dirty bird, this crass goof, Tpaine! Whose very name makes grown men furious, if grown men are anything like me! Seat buckle yourself into chair and brace onto something because I'm putting the show on the road! Tpaine:
-Talks about the one time he went on a juice fast for two "whole entire days" in 2009 obsessively
-Is a whipper snapper in every sense of the word
-Conjures up feelings of dread, boredom, and complete apathy toward the future of the human race
-Still has all his Legos. Sometimes he throws a tiny Lego to his neighbors freakish spaniel so that his neighbor will later find a Lego in his spaniel's shit and become further freaked out. This is antisocial behavior, and animal cruelty to boot.
-Tpaine.... yuck
-Feasts on human flesh, figuratively, as his furtive, embarrassed glances at women are essentially modern day cannibalism.
-Called me several hurtful things
-Logically, the only person who could stomache to watch all those Masaokis youtube videos so many times, is Masaokis himself. QUED.
-So many times I wake up in the middle of the night screaming, "Tpaine, what a moron!"
-Tpaine brings it upon himself
-This guy sits around the house, really!
-Take Tpaine, please!
-Why do giraffes have such long necks? In case Tpaine ever goes on safari they will be further away from the sound of his voice
-Every once in a while Tpaine goes to a grocery store and picks out what he wants, then tries to march past the checkout counter while dropping exact change for his groceries in front of the checker, proclaiming, "Trust me!" This is apparently some kind of protest against the government tracking what groceries he buys, and fiat currency more generally. Speaking of which, the government should probably be monitoring the groceries Tpaine buys.
-Hates "trust funders" and makes sure you know it, but doesn't understand that he has a trust fund because his parents never explained it to him, and he also doesn't understand that his trust fund pays something called "rent," and a whole host of related concepts, are just completely alien to him. It's like that movie Bubble Boy but without any of the humor, light heartedness, positive messages, personal growth, or loving relationships, or attractive people, or dialogue
-Has a wart on his leg that he named "swampman." HE MUST BE STOPPED!
-One of those people who drinks a ton of milk and keeps his refrigerator at incredibly low temperatures so his milk often has ice chunks in
-Believes that maybe Magic: the Gathering cards do have a little bit of Satanic power, when you get right down to it
-Made a parody video for Call Me Maybe and google took it off youtube because they were confident the video would drive traffic away from youtube
-Eats like a horse, occasionally regurgitating objects to be further chewed
-Is a living argument against the necessity of widespread literacy
-I commissioned an eight foot marble statue to be carved to go up at the summer house, and the sculptor asked me what I wanted him to carve and I said, whatever you want, just don't let it look like Tpaine!

Any reply to this thread, made by Tpaine, is likely to be a smear, slander, and grotesque lie of the worst caliber you could fear to hear.
[account deactivated]
i don't know what to believe anymore