discipline posted:

Crow posted:

MS. DISCIPLINE,

HOW CAN I MAKE IT IN "THE BIZ", SPECIFICALLY IN "THE BIZ",

the first and most important step in securing a future in the Biz is to hate yourself and others. it's also useful to have a foundation of contempt for any and all human accomplishments under a really charming personality. you should be attractive, charming, and good at conversation but under this you really must hate yourself with an overwhelming passion. much like how IDF soldiers go on trips to india and shit to "find themselves spiritually" after spending years shoving around children and old people and using racial slurs, so too you find pleasure in drinking and collecting pets after a long day of thinking up 101 ways to sell the commodification of women and the war on iraq, if not generally the reproduction of labor under a capitalist system. you are just as integral as mothers in labor reproduction, if not more so. you should embrace this empty mission with gusto.

secondly, you should be born into the industry - which is one of the most nepotistic and dynastic industries not yet outsourced to china - or marry into it. if you spend your time trying to make friends in the Biz to get a job, you are wasting your time if it's not with the end game of marrying someone's kid. ask that cutie-pie gaffer/runner/script supervisor what her dad does for a living - you may be surprised! you could be talking to steven spielberg's daughter. it's true. it should go without saying that if you are not american or, in certain cases canadian/british, you will probably not go far.

next you want to be able to drink well. I've seen real talent fall by the wayside because people don't know how to hold their alcohol. you might think you know how to drink well but if you are thinking about it too much then you're probably wrong. this means you need to drink a lot without dying, blacking out, making any stupid comments, throwing up, swaying on your feet, slurring your words, etc. they will test you. so if you can't do this, then you need to learn how to appear to be drinking when you are not. I suggest something on ice if you're drinking the hard stuff. you will be drinking the hard stuff. in fact I'd recommend the hard stuff over beer and wine because your chances of being physically ill go up with beer and wine and you can nurse a hard drink longer than is acceptable with beer and wine. I always found personally that I can stay fairly alert on scotch but not so on something like gin, or really even wine. experiment alone in your studio apartment. you will be drinking plenty on your own as you climb the ladder of success so don't worry if you're becoming an alcoholic or something ahahaha...

another important component of making it in the business is to be an atheist. if you're jewish, good for you... this will help not because of some racial thing but because of the aforementioned dynastic nature of the biz. but beyond the obligatory brisses you will need to remain firmly committed to a really bland kind of consumer atheism. it's the same with politics. you need to remain solidly apolitical, with the only real allowances being democrat fundraising dinners or spec work for a campaign. remember all the things I've mentioned before? hate yourself and others, hate humanity, sleep your way to the top, drink a lot of alcohol: these are things people don't want to be reminded of. speaking about the possibility of a higher power or responsible morality will get you the cold shoulder faster than you can say please and thank you.

back to the hate yourself bit, as an addendum: buy a lot of flashy things and be flashy. even if you don't want to be flashy, buy like thousand dollar khaki pants or something. have a nice watch. it's part of your business, how flashy you are. the most difficult part of the business is doing things like drinking hard and recklessly spending money and yet not ending up in AA or in bankruptcy. it's a very fine line to walk, and if you can do it, then success will be yours. if you can't do it then you will end up in jail and with a wasted decade, if not dead. there is a reason why people in the biz kill themselves hand over fist. I would be interested to see serious statistics on drug use and suicide, if not violent deaths. it's a really hard line to walk but if you can do it, well, you will be able to look in the mirror at an empty shell of a person and practice your million dollar smile with confidence.

finally, be prepared to never be in a loving healthy relationship with anyone. at the end of this experience of training and progress you will end up being incredibly self-absorbed and narcissistic. the best you can do is find someone who is down with your irresponsible pill use and who will be willing to help you spawn the next generation of media production. be prepared for high IVF bills or getting a surrogate from india or berkeley campus. if you're a guy you should marry a woman at least 10-15 years younger than you and if you are a woman then you will probably never be married longer than 45 minutes. your children will be thankless and abandon you. be prepared to die alone and very unhappy.

get an imdb page ASAP and be a really passionate advocate for yourself and your abilities! an agent always takes a percentage of what you make; you do NOT pay an agent up front. the best starter gigs can be found on craigslist. live in a city like los angeles, new york, austin, vancouver, or orlando. miami if tu habla español. good luck goon!

i'm pretty sure idf soldiers are generally not allowed to travel abroad during their service.

the cliched hebrew muchilero archetype usually calls for 20something israelis who concluded their mandatory service term. that is, unless "idf soldier" is a status that persists for life.

tpaine posted:

discipline posted:

yes when I said "after spending years shoving around children and old people and using racial slurs" I meant when they're done with their jail sentence

i thought you meant when they're done posting at the rhizzone!

youre done posting at the rhizzone. pack your bags clarence