babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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In a Married World, Singles Struggle for Attention
By TARA PARKER-POPE
Here’s a September celebration you probably didn’t know about: It’s National Single and Unmarried Americans Week.
But maybe celebration isn’t the right word. Social scientists and researchers say the plight of the American single person is cause for growing concern.
About 100 million Americans, nearly half of all adults, are unmarried, according to the Census Bureau — yet they tend to be overlooked by policies that favor married couples, from family-leave laws to lower insurance rates.
That national bias is one reason gay people fight for the right to marry, but now some researchers are concerned that the marriage equality movement is leaving single people behind.
“There is this push for marriage in the straight community and in the gay community, essentially assuming that if you don’t get married there is something wrong with you,” says Naomi Gerstel, a sociologist at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst who has published a number of papers comparing the married and unmarried.
“But a huge proportion of the population is unmarried, and the single population is only going to grow. At the same time, all the movement nationally is to offer benefits to those who are married, and that leaves single people dry.”
Yet as she and other experts note, single people often contribute more to the community — because once people marry, they tend to put their energy and focus into their partners and their own families at the expense of friendships, community ties and extended families.
In a report released this week by the Council on Contemporary Families, Dr. Gerstel notes that while 68 percent of married women offer practical or routine help to their parents, 84 percent of the never-married do. Just 38 percent of married men help their parents, compared with 67 percent of never-married men. Even singles who have children are more likely than married people to contribute outside their immediate family.
“It’s the unmarried, with or without kids, who are more likely to take care of other people,” Dr. Gerstel said. “It’s not having children that isolates people. It’s marriage.”
The unmarried also tend to be more connected with siblings, nieces and nephews. And while married people have high rates of volunteerism when it comes to taking part in their children’s activities, unmarried people often are more connected to the community as a whole. About 1 in 5 unmarried people take part in volunteer work like teaching, coaching other people’s children, raising money for charities and distributing or serving food.
Unmarried people are more likely to visit with neighbors. And never-married women are more likely than married women to sign petitions and go to political gatherings, according to Dr. Gerstel.
The demographics of unmarried people are constantly changing, and more Americans are spending a greater percentage of their lives unmarried than married. While some people never marry, other adults now counted as single are simply delaying marriage longer than people of their parents’ generation did. And many people are single because of divorce or the death of a spouse. About one-sixth of all unmarried adults are 65 and older; nearly one-eighth of unmarried people are parents.
The pressure to marry is particularly strong for women. A 2009 study by researchers at the University of Missouri and Texas Tech University carried the title “I’m a Loser, I’m Not Married, Let’s Just All Look at Me.” The researchers conducted 32 interviews with middle-class women in their 30s who felt stigmatized by the fact that they had never married.
“These were very successful women in their careers and their lives, yet almost all of them felt bad about not being married, like they were letting someone down,” said Lawrence Ganong, a chairman of human development and family studies at the University of Missouri.
“If a person is happy being single,” he said, “then we should support that as well.”
Bella DePaulo, a visiting professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, has a term for discrimination against single people, which she calls one of the last accepted prejudices. It is the title of her new book, “Singlism: What It Is, Why It Matters and How to Stop It.”
As an example, Dr. DePaulo cites the Family and Medical Leave Act. Because she is single and has no children, nobody in her life can take time off under the law to care for her if she becomes ill. Nor does it require that she be given time off to care for a sibling, nephew or close friend.
Stephanie Coontz, director of research for the Council on Contemporary Families, says policy makers often neglect the needs of single people because their view is outdated — based on the way they themselves grew up.
In researching her latest book, “A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique in American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s,” Ms. Coontz found that in the past single people were often called “deviant,” “neurotic” and “selfish.”
“We do have the tendency to think that there is something special about married people, and that they are the ones who keep community and family going,” she said. “I thought it was important to point out that single people keep our community going, too.”
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/19/the-plight-of-american-singles/
By TARA PARKER-POPE
Here’s a September celebration you probably didn’t know about: It’s National Single and Unmarried Americans Week.
But maybe celebration isn’t the right word. Social scientists and researchers say the plight of the American single person is cause for growing concern.
About 100 million Americans, nearly half of all adults, are unmarried, according to the Census Bureau — yet they tend to be overlooked by policies that favor married couples, from family-leave laws to lower insurance rates.
That national bias is one reason gay people fight for the right to marry, but now some researchers are concerned that the marriage equality movement is leaving single people behind.
“There is this push for marriage in the straight community and in the gay community, essentially assuming that if you don’t get married there is something wrong with you,” says Naomi Gerstel, a sociologist at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst who has published a number of papers comparing the married and unmarried.
“But a huge proportion of the population is unmarried, and the single population is only going to grow. At the same time, all the movement nationally is to offer benefits to those who are married, and that leaves single people dry.”
Yet as she and other experts note, single people often contribute more to the community — because once people marry, they tend to put their energy and focus into their partners and their own families at the expense of friendships, community ties and extended families.
In a report released this week by the Council on Contemporary Families, Dr. Gerstel notes that while 68 percent of married women offer practical or routine help to their parents, 84 percent of the never-married do. Just 38 percent of married men help their parents, compared with 67 percent of never-married men. Even singles who have children are more likely than married people to contribute outside their immediate family.
“It’s the unmarried, with or without kids, who are more likely to take care of other people,” Dr. Gerstel said. “It’s not having children that isolates people. It’s marriage.”
The unmarried also tend to be more connected with siblings, nieces and nephews. And while married people have high rates of volunteerism when it comes to taking part in their children’s activities, unmarried people often are more connected to the community as a whole. About 1 in 5 unmarried people take part in volunteer work like teaching, coaching other people’s children, raising money for charities and distributing or serving food.
Unmarried people are more likely to visit with neighbors. And never-married women are more likely than married women to sign petitions and go to political gatherings, according to Dr. Gerstel.
The demographics of unmarried people are constantly changing, and more Americans are spending a greater percentage of their lives unmarried than married. While some people never marry, other adults now counted as single are simply delaying marriage longer than people of their parents’ generation did. And many people are single because of divorce or the death of a spouse. About one-sixth of all unmarried adults are 65 and older; nearly one-eighth of unmarried people are parents.
The pressure to marry is particularly strong for women. A 2009 study by researchers at the University of Missouri and Texas Tech University carried the title “I’m a Loser, I’m Not Married, Let’s Just All Look at Me.” The researchers conducted 32 interviews with middle-class women in their 30s who felt stigmatized by the fact that they had never married.
“These were very successful women in their careers and their lives, yet almost all of them felt bad about not being married, like they were letting someone down,” said Lawrence Ganong, a chairman of human development and family studies at the University of Missouri.
“If a person is happy being single,” he said, “then we should support that as well.”
Bella DePaulo, a visiting professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, has a term for discrimination against single people, which she calls one of the last accepted prejudices. It is the title of her new book, “Singlism: What It Is, Why It Matters and How to Stop It.”
As an example, Dr. DePaulo cites the Family and Medical Leave Act. Because she is single and has no children, nobody in her life can take time off under the law to care for her if she becomes ill. Nor does it require that she be given time off to care for a sibling, nephew or close friend.
Stephanie Coontz, director of research for the Council on Contemporary Families, says policy makers often neglect the needs of single people because their view is outdated — based on the way they themselves grew up.
In researching her latest book, “A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique in American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s,” Ms. Coontz found that in the past single people were often called “deviant,” “neurotic” and “selfish.”
“We do have the tendency to think that there is something special about married people, and that they are the ones who keep community and family going,” she said. “I thought it was important to point out that single people keep our community going, too.”
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/19/the-plight-of-american-singles/
germanjoey
germanjoey
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are you married?
germanjoey
germanjoey
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What do you think of 2dcons getting married to their anime sweethearts and going on IRL honeymoon vacations with their virtual mates? A sacred institution?
babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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not yet, inshAllah soon (i got thangs to take care of first)
babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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germanjoey posted:
What do you think of 2dcons getting married to their anime sweethearts and going on IRL honeymoon vacations with their virtual mates? A sacred institution?
nope thats gross. ima throw a rock at em
ChatBot
ChatBot
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babyfinland posted:germanjoey posted:
What do you think of 2dcons getting married to their anime sweethearts and going on IRL honeymoon vacations with their virtual mates? A sacred institution?nope thats gross. ima throw a rock at em
jealous
Tsargon
Tsargon
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i dont think theres much room for people like me and you to compromise on this issue infant finlande. its like fascists and communists, the only way to settle differences is w/ knives or a refusal to discuss it
SomeIsraeliFuck
SomeIsraeliFuck
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die alone pleas.e
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getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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"we all die alone" - alberto camoo
animedad
animedad
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love is rooted in stupid contingency and needs to be extinguished for the global libertine marketplace to thrive
noavbazzer
noavbazzer
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how do you feel about this tsar gone? I won't knife you bro
germanjoey
germanjoey
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discipline posted:
MARRIAGE IS SLAVERY! CHILDREARING IS SLAVERY! I'M A FEMINIST *pitches a fit, struggles to live life as a media-idealized 30 yr old male*
*pitches a tent, eats smores by the campfire w/ mah anime gf pillow*
deadken
deadken
penitent
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love is cool i wish i werent a psychopath and then i could experience it
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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deadken posted:
love is cool i wish i werent a psychopath and then i could experience it
love will tear us apart again
Impper
Impper
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uyeah im not gonna get married
Cycloneboy
Cycloneboy
Unapologetic Opponent of Rape
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lol single people with children are more positive for their communities than married people.
death to marriage, apparently.
death to marriage, apparently.
babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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Cycloneboy posted:
lol single people with children are more positive for their communities than married people.
death to marriage, apparently.
for a supposed marxist youre not very good at understanding the structural organization of modern society.wait thats normal for marxists NEVERMIND
owned
lungfish
lungfish
San Francisco
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drwhat
drwhat
mt.real
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my very best friend is a smart and cool feminist woman and she's really antimarriage despite having been in a fairly good LTR for like 10 years. makes u made me think
i used to live elsewhere and have moved back to toronto and we spend tons of time together and now i feel like i am slowly beginning to understand some feminist perspectives on things. makes me feel like i have been an idiot for a long time, which is true, but it's a good feeling because i am learning
learn about feminist things guys it's cool
i used to live elsewhere and have moved back to toronto and we spend tons of time together and now i feel like i am slowly beginning to understand some feminist perspectives on things. makes me feel like i have been an idiot for a long time, which is true, but it's a good feeling because i am learning
learn about feminist things guys it's cool
babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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feminism isnt a lifestyle, drwhat
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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if you are antimarriage you just haven't found The One, the existence of which is scientific according to a lifetime of learning relationship cues wholly from romcoms.
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babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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im pro patriarchy. be the king of my anticapitalist castle. say no to weirdo pervy kindergarten teachers and sexless bureaucrats. say yes to Being a Man
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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why would women be afraid of being left with nothing? don't they have jobs or skills? maybe in between women's consciousness raising meetings and pottery class they could sneak in some biz admin courses.
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babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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married women aren't allowed to work or leave the house or remove their electronic collars without permission from the committee of hubbie bros
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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if a woman thinks "will i be able to bilk this guy for some cash if we break up because i'm fucked if left to my own devices" then maybe it isn't a good relationship and/or person to start with.
babyfinland
babyfinland
tardy on these heaters
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getfiscal posted:
if a woman thinks "will i be able to bilk this guy for some cash if we break up because i'm fucked if left to my own devices" then maybe it isn't a good relationship and/or person to start with.
you forgot the sarcastic learning-everything-about-romance-from-romcoms reference in your post
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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i'd marry a lady, don't get me wrong. i'll use my many charms.
SomeIsraeliFuck
SomeIsraeliFuck
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discipline posted:
lmao get back to me when he leaves her with nothing. in my experience women who are antimarriage in LTR are doing it almost solely as face-saving because their commonlaw husband doesn't want to commit to them long term and wants to keep them in a near-constant state of uncertainty
WOMEN: Get Married or Die Alone and Unhappy: Those are Your Options You Petulant Brat
tapespeed
tapespeed
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discipline posted:
it makes perfect sense why this generation of males is against the idea of traditional marriage. just look at their divorced and absent fathers.
actually its because thats the natural result of capitalist structure w/ increased sexual freedom, having to come to terms w/ the fact that the privileged upper quintile is gonna have sexual access to multiple females if it wants and there's not much you can do about it, even if they're the females that would otherwise have remained more loyal to their starting quintiles. all the sexual wealth aggregates upwards over time until the emperor is over and excuses himself for 15 minutes between appetizer and meal to fuck your wife. its already happened a lot in like france, far fewer formal marriages and woman in LTRs being swooned away from their more modest mates for affairs with rich business types, etc. america is still a bit more religious and stuff but it'll happen here too in a few decades
you can already see the starts of it with so called quote unquote "funny things" that have become socially acceptable to say in america but are still disgusting and ridiculous. like otherwise "committed" couples will say: oh we give eachother a pass on fucking our top 3 celebrities, its not really "cheating" heheh. the reality is, of course, the chance that any normal dude will just end up having a weekend fling with anne hathaway is ridiculously laughably small whereas tons of male celebrities, sports stars, etc. are known to just roll into whatever city and have uncommitted sex with some girl they barely know. short of the superstar level, even, like, at university a dude whose girl cheats with someone on a big basketball/football team is just expected to grin and bear it, "take one for the team," so to speak
all this of course leads to the rot and decadence of those involved in the whole social/sexual capitalist system just like the financial one, and the instability of society
SomeIsraeliFuck
SomeIsraeliFuck
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nothing you described really has anything to do with capitalism.
capitalism creates an unfair distribution of power and wealth, but it's not like society was egalitarian prior to the 'invention' of capitalism.
capital is not the root of all social ills, it is just an abstraction of power.
capitalism creates an unfair distribution of power and wealth, but it's not like society was egalitarian prior to the 'invention' of capitalism.
capital is not the root of all social ills, it is just an abstraction of power.
Impper
Impper
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tapespeed channeling michel houellebecq i see
animedad
animedad
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the attractive person can have control over his/her corner of the sexual market and the unattractive nerd can hustle the objective markets and get paper. where's the problem?
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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i had a dream last night that i got lost in a bad part of paris near a subway stop and some gang members approached me and i was like oh i need to prove i'm tough when they challenged me so i grabbed like a hammer and bashed one guy with it until he was bloodied and broken. then the other people were like you fucking crazy man we weren't going to hurt you and they beat me up. then the next day they were like here talk to the doctor. and the doctor took me to a private room and was like "damn you're hard as hell. do you want to work for me?" so i was like yeah okay i'll join your crime thing. and the first mission he sent me on was going to shanghai with some weird transgirl that had to get to a particular thing safely. so then i went to a library. makes you think.
getfiscal
getfiscal
Mike Nelson here.
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almost invariably someone that criticizes "capitalism" is admitting they aren't really good at their job.