shriekingviolet posted:

tonight i plan to get real fucked up on some lukewarm tap water

shriekingviolet posted:

made roasted veggies and lentil curry tonight, with of course the perfect beverage pairing, fresh cold tap water

shriekingviolet posted:

care to join me for a nightcap? let me introduce you to a cocktail they call the "freshly cleaned toilet bowl." it's tap water with a slice of lemon

aerdil posted:

whats ur lentil curry recipe? maybe i'll try it... paired with some low abv beer

This is a pretty informal seat of the pants kind of deal and is completely inauthentic but sure.

basically what I do is make 4 component dishes and then combine them into one big ugly looking pot of dense goodness

so the components are going to be 1) your aromatics, 2) your eggplant (IMPORTANT,) 3) your other veggies, and 4) your lentils.

your ingredients are something like this:

-2 medium or one large eggplant
-2 cups red lentils
-1 large onion, sliced thin
-1 thumb's worth minced ginger, or more to taste
-3 or more cloves minced garlic, to taste
-flavorful oil such as coconut, veggie ghee, or regular ghee/butter if you're cheatin'
-neutral oil with a high smoke point for roasting
-a modest tray bake's worth of nice roasting veggies. cauliflower and carrot are my default, but almost anything that roasts nicely will do.
-various curry spices. lot going on here, lots of things you could include or leave out. basic curry powder and some whole cumin seed should probably be the bare minimum entry level.
optionally:
- 1 or 2 fresh tomatoes, diced
- various kinds of chile if you like heat, follow your heart
- a bay leaf or two
- curry leaves
- cilantro
- handful of robust fresh leafy greens like spinach, chard etc

and you'll need 2 roasting trays/baking pans, 1 frying pan of your preference, and one large pot for containing the whole thing.

First thing we'll set the oven to 400-425f and get the eggplants roasting. Roasted eggplant is an excellent carrier of flavours, once I started using them it was an absolute revelation. I prefer the 2 of the long thin style of eggplant, lots of grocery stores call this "chinese eggplant" as if there's just one kind of eggplant in China. stick them whole on a roasting pan or baking tray (I like those silicon pads for this) brushed with a bit of neutral oil and sprinkled with a smidge of salt, you don't need much. roasting eggplants is one of those fiddly intuitive things that involves a lot of preference so there's a limit to how much I can help here: some people like to absolutely incinerate the outside on very high heat, rendering the inner flesh into a total mush and discarding the skin. my preference is to have them medium roasted a little slower, mostly soft so that some of the flesh will dissolve into your finished curry but some firm bits remain held together by a healthily browned still edible skin. for medium, long eggplants are likely to be ready 5 or so minutes after splitting open, and can then be sliced into 1/2 inch thick pieces. if you're using a giant aubergine you might have to get creative. set a timer and make sure to check them after 20 minutes but this could take a while.

while the eggplant is roasting you'll want to start your aromatics. first set a bare pan to medium high heat, and add an assortment of your whole curry base seeds: my default is about a tablespoon of cumin seed, mustard seed, and fenugreek seed. watch closely and keep them moving around the pan, when they start browning and smell toasty immediately add a generous dollop of your flavorful oil and the onion. give the onions a light sprinkling of salt to help them reduce and start them sautéeing, then add your garlic and ginger once the onions are clear. once you've got some browning caramelization going, reduce heat to a light simmer and stir occasionally while your other veggies bake. you don't want these to be fried so hard that they crisp up. at some point it will start to dry out a bit: stir in at most 1/4 cup water (or stock) at a time and slowly evaporate that off to maintain desired consistency. you want it wet and thick, not dry or swimming in liquid. you might need to add water a couple times. poor translations of indian chefs sometimes refer to this portion as forming the "gravy," and the rough measure for when it's ready is for the oil to separate out and float on top while it gently simmers. this will be the flavour base of the curry, so it's important to get right!

optional ingredients note: once the onions are clear and a little reduced you can add in the bay leaf, tomato, and your if your curry leaves are dried they should go in now too. if using tomato your ideal is for the tomato to simmer down into a paste while the onions remain intact, which may require staying on medium heat for a bit. this is also where I prefer to add hot chiles.

next we'll start the veggie tray bake. in a large mixing bowl, toss your veggies with some neutral oil, a generous sprinkling of salt, and spices to taste: probably some assortment of black pepper, turmeric, powdered cumin (if you don't have seeds for the curry base above,) a little paprika or cayenne, possibly a smidge of coriander, cloves or cardamom powder if that's your thing. lots of options. basic storebought "curry powder" can work just fine too. this is all very much to taste, just remember you don't need all the flavour for the entire dish to be in here, just use enough for the roasting veggies themselves. set these to roast in your preferred roasting pan, they might need to share an oven with the eggplant if that isn't done yet. they are ready when they have some nice browning on the outside but are still a little firm, check after 15 minutes and then every 5 minutes would be my rule of thumb.

once any of these 3 dishes reach a finished state they can be set aside to wait for the final joining.

when everything else is pretty much ready and/or doesn't require your attention, you can start the lentils. this will be quick. in your big pot, set 2 cups of UNSALTED water to boil, add 2 cups rinsed lentils, and give an occasional stir while scooping off some of the foam until they are al-dente, not turning into mush. at this point, immediately add your pan full of aromatics, the salt and acidity should now prevent the lentils from dissolving due to overcooking. if your lentils did go to mush that's ok, it just doesn't look as good and isn't as nice of a texture. now the rest goes in, add your eggplant and tray bake veggies, fresh cilantro curry leaves and other greens if using, and stir the whole thing together. cover and let it gently heat through about 10 minutes for all the ingredients to get nice and acquainted with each other, then serve with rice.

this is a really heavy meal, especially if you include stuff like potatoes in your tray bake, so remember that a little goes a long way. you'll probably have leftovers for days.

(if you absolutely hate eggplant you can skip it and have a passable curry, but I really do recommend trying it)

shriekingviolet posted:

pregame ice cold tap water while I do advance prep for The Big Brunch. sparkling orange juice will follow