#1
Post rating: +
I'll start: N/A
#2
Post rating: ~
joke replies
#3
Post rating: ~
#4
Deus Ex Machinist
Post rating: +
#5
Post rating: +
I bombed out of getting a stable job with a local org I liked a little while back, played the politics wrong. While I'm looking for another opportunity, I do consults and facilitation for various activist organizations, often in times of crisis but sometimes just to tune up internal structures.

My typical workflow for these kinds of gigs goes like this: 1) get begrudgingly called in once everything's already gone to shit, 2) solve the problem, 3) get told by the organization that they value my help very much, 4) they forget to pay me, elect new leadership, hire new staff, switch to new accounting software, move offices, and forget they ever contracted me in the first place.

Depending on your perspective, my rates are either very reasonable or so low it's almost as if you're literally stealing from me!!
#6
[account deactivated]
#7
[account deactivated]
#8
Deus Ex Machinist
Post rating: +
hello i am an engineering person as well (who isn't). till i was looking for more stable jobs (end of last year), the streams in the industry were (in increasing order of pay) - maintenance, manufacturing, R&D, sales. the problem is nothing less than the best will satisfy my folks so really the only option is to - like the rest of my batchmates - get into sales and than management degree and then read harvard business review leadership articles... let's say i am not very temperamentally inclined towards it. my daddy, the hustler, always used to say why sell anything but what sells itself. since then, i've only always invested in and sold drugs.
anyway, all industries hollowed out the R&D part to startups and now really the absolute worst job on this planet is to do sales for startups that mangle/bloat their products and don't even understand what they are selling. now i do some freelance shit (editing/translation. don't tell them about updates in google translate yet) and my folks think i am a coward and a slacker who wastes his life... so yeah guys, i am a plant. you got me. happy? now piss on me like anthony hopkins playing mad kiwi burt munro and make me grow dammit.
#9
Post rating: ~
fbi agent
#10
[account deactivated]
#11
Post rating: +++++
I was told this was a very important assignment to monitor a communist extremism hotbed, but after seeing the Trump endorsement I'm not so sure. I'm even starting to question whether fail aids is a biological weapon like it said in my briefing or if it's actually funny and acceptable.
#12
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: +
Any cops reading this, a good way to "fit in" around here is to upvote all my posts, making me appear more popular
#13
Post rating: ~
oops
#14
Post rating: ~

toyotathon posted:

can you imagine being the agent assigned to monitor and report out on this place, one day realizing that it's because management doesn't think highly of you or your abilities and figure you'd fit in fine on a forum of rejects and dilettantes


I am NOT a dilettante!

#15
Post rating: ~
i'm more of a flaneur
#16
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i'm an artist, which means i am basically a CAD monkey
#17
UNUSUALY COOL
Post rating: +
i'm Wario and i'm a going to win.
#18
Post rating: +
i sell propane and propane accessories
#19
Post rating: ~
but really i actually am in sales
#20
Post rating: +
I fly to the bush in the far north of Australia and work 21 days straight for a week off at the end of my shift. It's alright i suppose.
#21
Post rating: +
im currently assisting an absurdly wealthy finance capitalist make the environmental case against the mineral extraction proposal of the equally wealthy pseudo-aristocratic landowner capitalist next door
#22
Post rating: ~
also i'm working on my posting career
#23
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: +
Oh yeah in re: the OP: I scrub animal poop
#24
Post rating: ~

swampman posted:

Oh yeah in re: the OP: I scrub animal poop


How do you like it? I'm considering a career change into something less demeaning.

#25
Black Belt
Post rating: ~
i spray liquid onto ships to make things not fall off of the deck.
#26
Poronto
Post rating: ~
professional ass rimmer
#27
Post rating: +
party apparatchik OP
#28
mt.real
Post rating: ~

JohnBeige posted:

i spray liquid onto ships to make things not fall off of the deck.


isn't that glue

do you spray glue onto boats

that owns

#29
mt.real
Post rating: ~
i think the cia already knows everything about me, so: these days i design systems that track data for people doing dna sequencing. i could give it a very fancy title and describe it in more exciting ways but that's basically it. i also do "business" stuff related to that, which is mostly talking to people. or hiring people. or whatever.
#30
Black Belt
Post rating: ~
its waterproof glue basically, yeah.
#31
Post rating: +
I already said what I do. I've become very important and powerful over the last few years. I'm going to quit soon. Everyone's a freakin creep who wants to steal my essence.
#32
UNUSUALY COOL
Post rating: ~
my joke response, is that my job is to both suck AND fuck
#33
UNUSUALY COOL
Post rating: ~
performing a fuck job on a smart & competent lady
#34
Post rating: ~
I'm still a lawyer, unfortunately
#35
Post rating: +

slipdisco posted:

hello i am an engineering person as well (who isn't). till i was looking for more stable jobs (end of last year), the streams in the industry were (in increasing order of pay) - maintenance, manufacturing, R&D, sales. the problem is nothing less than the best will satisfy my folks so really the only option is to - like the rest of my batchmates - get into sales and than management degree and then read harvard business review leadership articles... let's say i am not very temperamentally inclined towards it. my daddy, the hustler, always used to say why sell anything but what sells itself. since then, i've only always invested in and sold drugs.
anyway, all industries hollowed out the R&D part to startups and now really the absolute worst job on this planet is to do sales for startups that mangle/bloat their products and don't even understand what they are selling. now i do some freelance shit (editing/translation. don't tell them about updates in google translate yet) and my folks think i am a coward and a slacker who wastes his life... so yeah guys, i am a plant. you got me. happy? now piss on me like anthony hopkins playing mad kiwi burt munro and make me grow dammit.


look you're a Marxist aint you? a job is a job even if it's engineering. Confront your parents and tell them you're not gonna take it

#36
Post rating: +
I'm a cook. It sucks.
#37
Post rating: ~

Soviet_Salami posted:

I'm a cook. It sucks.


#38
[account deactivated]
#39
Deus Ex Machinist
Post rating: ~

animedad posted:

a job is a job. Confront your parents and tell them you're not gonna take it



sorry for oversharing. it's a holding pattern, a stalemate of expectations that we have arrived at because 'a job' is not enough for them, its not just a job.

#40
Deus Ex Machinist
Post rating: ~

glomper_stomper posted:

i'm fully online most if not all of the time


me too. you got me again. I'm not just A plant... I'm an AI plant.