babyhueypnewton posted:That was awesome! I'm gonna subscribe on youtube/follow on twitter/give adclicks on her blog/like her facebook fanpage/make memegenerator memes/upvote her posts on reddit/repost on tumblr! The revolution is here, folks!
haha i get it because social media is shallow and pointless.
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It is possibly the shittiest James Bond movie I've ever seen.
It's like a pg-13 commercial that last 2 and a half hours. It's like every international company had at least one of their products in it.
The villain somehow has dozens of henchmen and a sizable budget, even owns an island off the coast of japan full of server racks, he flies a military helicopter all around Scotland blaring loud music and has infinite resources, oh, and all he wants is to look at Judy Dench in the eye? Thats the lamest fucking motivation for any villain yet.
Its full of pseudo-psychoanalytic bullshit that the writers heard about in middle school.
It's full of terrible CG and the special effects are worse than the 90s movies. They even had to CGI a Komodo dragon? A Komodo Dragon that eats a fat asian dude as a cheap gag.
The entire fucking movie is full of cheap self referential gags. Just because something acts like it's self aware doesn't mean it is, and it doesn't make how shitty it is excusable.
I'm a piece of shit and I know it. Does that make me less of a piece of shit? Hell no. Same goes for this movie.
MONEYPENNY: IT WAS A VW BEATLE! I THINK!
LET ME JUST OPEN UP MY VIAO LAPTOP BY SONY FULL OF COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC USER INTERFACES DESIGNED BY A FIRST YEAR ART STUDENT WORKING AS AN INTERN AT THE MOVIE STUDIO
I AM AT A BEACH HOUSE IN TURKEY SIPPING ON MY HEINEKEN WITH A NAKED LADY ON MY ARM, YEAH THE LABEL IS POINTED DIRECTLY AT YOU THE VIEWER AND THE LINES OF THE FRAME ARE ALL LEADING YOUR EYES TOWARDS THE BOTTLE.
Also how is it that this trashpile of a movie manages to be more jingoistic and nationalist than the 1960s bond movies? "oh no our national security is being undermined by these dirty know nothing politicians who don't understand how dangerous the world is!" Like, could the ideology of this movie be any more bald faced? They don't even dress it up.
My favorite part though is when he manipulates a woman who has been a sex worker all her life and is being held against her will into helping him on his ill defined quest with the promise that once she helps him he will rescue her. He then has sex with this clearly vulnerable woman, molesting her in a shower as she is overcome by his pure manliness, and then he doesn't even save her. Holy shit.
00:18
The film opens with the deceptively peaceful imagery of computer-generated birds taking flight above computer-generated landscapes. A swallow soars over vineyards. SCAT SWAPPING SCHOOL SWALLOW. Is there some relation between the bird and the title? I put it out of my mind.01:03
Three women are sitting at school desks and a fourth woman is standing up as if she is their teacher. Why are there Mickey Mouse dolls leaned up against the wall?04:53
The teacher has been writing catchprases from Something Awful on the chalkboard with chalk. She has written "Pak Chooie Unf" from Lowtax's famous Space Robot Bonanza prank on the chalkboard. I don't know what the exact opposite emotion to ecstatic would be, but I'm fairly sure that emotion would be Lowtax's reaction to hearing the news.05:15
She's dropped the chalk. I think it's about to start.08:28
They are all disrobing. Each of them is ugly in their own unique way. I take some small consolation from the fact that nothing beautiful will be ruined by this video.09:12
The teacher has a finger up her butt. They seem very excited about this.15:33
The girls are taking turns on the teacher's butthole with fingers and tongues. I don't feel sick yet, although I feel a general malaise.21:18
One of the girl's fingers is caked in feces. She is licking it off with feigned joy. Her acne reminds me of the texture of an oil painting.21:47
The teacher's distended anus is thrust skyward and aimed by hand. A girl squats over her. This is the dolorous stroke.22:31
It began so suddenly I scarcely had time to gag. Serpentine coils of battery brown, here and there a nut or piece of corn, heaped high on the teacher's anus. Between smiles and giggles they look as if they might cry. Perhaps it is my imagination. I am shaken.25:46
They are feeding huge handfuls to one another. Their eyes roll back and they gag. The earth has cracked open and hell flows out in a great brown river.29:08
It is smeared all over their faces and breasts. They swallow with effort. The sound is like applying paste slowly and carefully to the back of a construction-paper owl. I see myself in their eyes. We want to die.34:16
They're trying to load the feces back into one of the girl's buttholes. It's everywhere by now. The way a fog blankets the hills of a village in Basque. I see a lone goat, a bell jangling around its neck. It bleats and leaps into the air, exploding in a welter of 98 degree shit. I do not vomit.40:24
They're caked with filth. It must smell like an abattoir in that tiny room. Innards and death. I vomit without looking away. I feel linked to them. I must endure. Is it possible to die from looking at something?45:00
A woman is defecating an immense, gnarled, mahogany log. I laugh despite the tangy snot oozing from my nose and the vomit matting my beard. Through some biological oddity the woman is expelling trapped liquid through a small channel in the middle of the turd as it emerges from her rectum. It is as if a cobblestone phallus is dropping from her bowel to urinate. I see nature in all its myriad splendors.54:50
Almost over, yet each second seems an eternity. My empathy for these women has evaporated. Too much indignity, too great a volume of feces passed from one colon to the next. I no longer see them as human. They are pale apes covered in argil. Their simian brains are insufficient for the task of comprehending their transgressions against Odin. I want to dash their heads open with a rock.56:28
One has just vomited a great quantity of watery red lumps on the backside of another. Vomit seems so innocent. I feel a strange urge to protect it from them. Preserve it as a taboo for less terrible peoples.59:50
They are now all covered in shit and vomiting into one another's mouths, like mother birds that have absent-mindedly built their nests in the skim tanks of a waste treatment plant. "I nourish you," I imagine them saying to one another. Somewhere pus issues from a teet into the mouth of a babe, rancid and sour, corrupting what it touches. This taint spreads of its own accord.1:01:22
They're laughing. It's over. I check my revolver but I have fired off my last cartridge at an Indian I caught eating a discarded shoe from my trash. I place the pistol to my temple and pull the trigger anyway. One of them seems to be crying. Click. Click. Click.
shills at huffington post posted:Craving a burger? Now you can find one at Olive Garden. Starting today, an Italiano burger will be available at locations nationwide, the company announced Monday.
The six-ounce meat patty is topped with prosciutto, mozzarella cheese, arugula, marinated tomatoes and garlic aioli. (It's also served with parmesan garlic fries, another new menu addition available as a side to the other lunch sandwiches.) And don't worry -- the burger comes with unlimited soup or salad, and breadsticks.
For now, the new $9.99 burger will be available during lunch, which is served until 4 p.m. But the chain may offer the burger later in the day in the future, an Olive Garden spokeswoman told The Huffington Post.
Olive Garden, owned by Darden Restaurants Inc., has been struggling to hold onto customers recently. The chain has made several changes as a result, such as launching a small plates menu and offering food for cheaper prices. The decision to add the burger was in part of due to this increasing competition, Bloomberg reports.
While the burger was originally met with some hesitation by Olive Garden executives, test runs have proven successful thus far. And if it pans out, perhaps Olive Garden's key to success is sticking closer to its American roots rather than Italian ones.
Wait'll Petey gets a chance to throw this into his burgin app
Edited by dipshit420 ()
libelous_slander posted:Why does Skyfall have a rating of 91% on Rotten Tomatoes?
It is possibly the shittiest James Bond movie I've ever seen.
It's like a pg-13 commercial that last 2 and a half hours. It's like every international company had at least one of their products in it.
The villain somehow has dozens of henchmen and a sizable budget, even owns an island off the coast of japan full of server racks, he flies a military helicopter all around Scotland blaring loud music and has infinite resources, oh, and all he wants is to look at Judy Dench in the eye? Thats the lamest fucking motivation for any villain yet.
Its full of pseudo-psychoanalytic bullshit that the writers heard about in middle school.
It's full of terrible CG and the special effects are worse than the 90s movies. They even had to CGI a Komodo dragon? A Komodo Dragon that eats a fat asian dude as a cheap gag.
The entire fucking movie is full of cheap self referential gags. Just because something acts like it's self aware doesn't mean it is, and it doesn't make how shitty it is excusable.
I'm a piece of shit and I know it. Does that make me less of a piece of shit? Hell no. Same goes for this movie.
every Bond movie that isnt You Only Live Twice is pretty shitty but if you think Skyfall is even in the Top 5 then youve obviously never seen a single Roger Moore one
libelous_slander posted:My favorite part though is when he manipulates a woman who has been a sex worker all her life and is being held against her will into helping him on his ill defined quest with the promise that once she helps him he will rescue her. He then has sex with this clearly vulnerable woman, molesting her in a shower as she is overcome by his pure manliness, and then he doesn't even save her. Holy shit.
yeah why didnt the hired government killer whiteknight that worthless lost cause mob whore instead of literally saving the world from cyberterrorism? :rolleyes: