ilmdge
ilmdge
Online
Post rating:
~
In the alley behind a local dive bar, my cousin bumped into the drummer of an unsigned band called HIPPODICK who'd just finished playing an unannounced show.
The drummer shared with my cousin, and I have now obtained, a tape containing the album "To My: Long Lost Love" by an anonymous musician who left copies of the record at local Portland music stores.
Underground circles were all abuzz over this album in late 2011-early 2012, so, needless to say, I was excited to finally actually have a full copy of the mythical work in my own hands.
According to the story, this anonymous musician, heartbroken and reeling from a devastating break-up, retreated to his apartment where he dug in and recorded an album dedicated to his love. He then self-released the record and left a smattering of copies at local music stores.
He left them there in the hopes that a copy would make its ways to his love's ears.
The record quickly obtained legendary status.
The story goes, he still does not know if she has ever heard it.
I've been listening to it now.
The opening song is called It Comes In Waves. The way the song builds to a swell reminds one of waves.
The strength of the song itself covers the lyrical clunker, "These feelings are driving me insane..."
I should pause now briefly to describe the sound of the album. It is clearly the work of one person. It is lo-fi and self-released. The anonymous artist (AA) usually works with only a guitar, or sometimes a keyboard.
Actually, I digitized this song and put it on youtube. Much of the sound quality was probably lost in the translation.
It Comes In Waves is nearly 4 minutes and by far the longest song on the album. Most of the songs are closer to 2 minutes.
I find it to sound vulnerable and touching when, during a quiet moment, AA exhales, "I miss your voice... I miss your touch... I miss your smile... Oh so much..."
If anyone wondered whether AA has a more prestigious moniker, the lyric described above as a clunker is the first hint that he probably does not.
That might seem unfair based on one line.
Well, the next song is called The Mountain.
If I'm hearing it right, in this song AA sings, "You walked me up the mountain... and then you pushed me off... you opened up my heart... and then you just flew off..."
It is at this point one begins to suspect AA is somewhat embittered at the fact of his break-up.
The third song is called What You Said. This song is under three minutes long. In this song, AA repeats the line "Remember what you said..." twenty-four times.
That doesn't include the seven times he reminds her that "I'll never forget..."
This song is under three minutes long.
Another thing that doesn't include is the aurally disorienting moments where the music gets inverted and AA reveals what it was she said: "you said..you want me... you said..you need me... you said..you love me..."
Evidently, Long Lost Love (LLL) is being held to account for broken promises. Although, one imagines these sorts of things are said in any serious relationship, many of which end.
Actually, those statements can't properly be considered promises. More accurately, then, what LLL is being held to account for is changing how she felt.
LLL is being held to account for no longer loving AA.
As he repeats "Remember what you said...," an intense throbbing bass sound dominates the song. One gets the feeling he is trying to hold these comments over her head.
Track four is called Feelings. AA sings, "How did you think I would get by... how did you think I was going to survive?"
The previous songs had established LLL's supposed betrayal. AA now shares with her the pain he suffered as a result. It begins to be clear that AA is using guilt as a weapon.
If one judged by the story surrounding the record, one might have expected a love story, a beautiful romantic appeal to LLL's heart. Instead it seems AA largely wants to tell his ex how badly she made him feel, which is decidedly less romantic.
I would describe this record not as a love anthem, but as a break-up album.
AA ventures to describe the pain.
"So many feelings... when your heart breaks... so many feelings... when your mind aches... so many feelings," he sings.
AA fails to describe the pain.
This reminds one of the Dodgeball motion picture, when Ben Stiller said, "You made me bleed my own blood." AA seems to be saying, "You made me feel feelings."
Maybe I should not say it reminds one of Dodgeball. It reminds me of that, however. Maybe this rather reminds one of It Comes In Waves, when AA sang, "These feelings drive me insane..." These could be those same aforementioned feelings.
I described that line described as clunky.
Well, "feelings" is the most vague way possible to describe what one is experiencing.
It is also pathetic-sounding. This reminds one of the Kirk Van Houten cassette tape, "Can I borrow a feeling?"
"Can I Borrow a Feeling" was a punch line inviting viewers of the Simpsons to laugh at Kirk Van Houten.
Maybe I should not say it reminds one of the tape by Kirk Van Houten. It reminds me of that, however.
Homer Simpson laughed at "Can I borrow a feeling?"
Feelings is the weakest song on TM:LLL.
Evidently, AA thinks Feelings may not have sufficiently communicated the guilt LLL ought to feel.
This may explain why, in the next song, Living Without You, AA sings, "I pretend that I'm doing alright... but I'm cold inside... the lonely nights I spend without you... they make me want to die... I always cry... when I think about you."
The guilt trip is being taken to more enormous lengths.
He says he still does not know whether she's heard this record.
One explanation for that would be that she is not aware of it. Another explanation would be that she has heard it, but hasn't told him.
One can imagine LLL listening to this record briefly before saying, "Typical AA," and shutting it off. Or maybe she refuses to listen to it at all.
Well, perhaps he never wanted her to hear this record. Perhaps that is why he released it anonymously.
Although, the cover art is allegedly a joint piece of work AA and LLL worked on together before their split. She would therefore recognize the album. He probably did want her to hear the record.
It's also possible he released it anonymously to build the mythos. "Did you hear about the anonymous Portland musician who secretly left an album dedicated to his long lost love in local record stores?" the drummer of HIPPODICK might say.
Incidentally, you won't find the band HIPPODICK on Google.
Actually, AA likely released it anonymously because of the extent to which he bared his soul and made himself vulnerable. Recall his lyrics about wanting to cry, and, also, die.
One suspects AA is romanticizing his pain. But to offer a more favorable interpretation, one could also claim that by sharing his wishes to cry and die, AA intends to prove the bona fides of his love.
More reaslitically, he is being melodramatic and once again heaping guilt at LLL's feet.
The guilt might make her feel regretful. That regret might lead her to reconciling with AA. Could this manipulative line of thinking perhaps have been AA's plan?
Well, but one can't help but feel that this would not fully satisfy AA, who harbors a boatload of resentment along with his continually professed love.
As we see in the next song, If You Say So. At one point, AA is singing, "I guess this is goodbye... if you said so, if you said so... I'll never know why... why you said so, why you said so..."
Of course, AA is once again laying the blame for the break-up at LLL's feet, while declaring himself a confused innocent.
Actually, this is an excellent song. Incidentally, most of the lyrics are indecipherable.
Actually, AA is not entirely confused as to why LLL dumped him. We know this because he diagnoses the problem in the next song.
The next song is called Believe It Or Not. In this song he sings, "You don't believe in love... it's something you're afraid of..."
For his part, he's still a devoted lover. "I hope one day that you believe I love you so..."
I again claim this is a break-up album. It may be enjoyable to listen to when one is feeling down and wants to wallow in one's self-pity. Or perhaps enjoyable is not the right word for reveling in one's own misery. Or perhaps doing something like that can be enjoyable sometimes, in a way.
It may be this is the perfect album for the finger-pointers, the sulkers, and all the bitter ex-boyfriends everywhere.
Perhaps feeling like that should not be encouraged, however.
In any case, the next few songs are not quite as bitter.
The next few songs barely exist.
In "The One," to sparse musical accompaniment, AA sings about an idyllic summer spent with LLL.
AA does sing at one point, "Summer nights... when I held you tight... when I said you were the one... you shook your head no no no..."
Even at this time she was denying that she was "the one." Perhaps that line documents the end of summer, and the coming end of AA's relationship with LLL.
Also perhaps it was a warning. Here is evidence that LLL had told him she was not "the one." Perhaps she did not wish for him to get so invested.
Maybe she also told him she did not believe in love. Well, if so, one can forgive him for the lyrics in Believe It Or Not. Naturally, one can understand why he wants so desperately for her to "remember what she said," when she admitted she wanted, needed, and loved him. One might even understand why, if she is afraid of love, he might wish to emphasize his own love and painful dedication to her. Perhaps this might help her feel safe.
This development would certianly make AA seem less like the scorned, pitiable lover. He would also begin to appear less entitled.
However, the album is afterall called To My: Long Lost Love. Well, the colon being shifted in an unusual manner.
One would expect the album to be called To: My Long Lost Love. Shifting the colon until after the word "My" seems to imply continued ownership and thus entitlement.
To My: Long Lost Love.
Incidentally, the next song is called Long Lost Love. It is very short. It has vocals, but no discernible lyrics. Perhaps there are no words at all. It's interesting that the song titled for LLL isn't given any words.
I'm again turning against AA, you can see, as we head into the final song of the album, What Do I Do With You.
AA again grabs the victimhood mantle in this song.
For example: "I swear I miss you more and more everyday... I honestly wonder why you went away... Nothing's been the same..."
Another example: "What can I say? I love you anyway... What can I do? I know my love is true..."
These are slightly more innocent examples. In another context, we might not think much of them.
Actually, AA also sings on this song: "You hide away like the deepest secret... You say goodbye like you really mean it... So what do I do with you?"
Well, the answer to that seems self-evident.
The answer to that is: "Fuck along now."
Another potential interpretation comes to mind here, this time a frighteningly negative one. Well, what if AA is the stalker type of ex-boyfriend? Let's imagine LLL even has a restraining order against him. Well, no wonder AA penned this album. Well, no wonder he had to resort to leaving it anonymously in record stores. This is an amusing theory.
"What could I write... to make you see the light? What could I play... to have you back again?" AA is definitely deep in denial.
In fact, not too long ago I put together additional lyrics from If You Say So that seem to fit here.
If I'm not mistaken, AA can be heard singing: "These tears that I've cried... they said so, they said so... The ways that I've died... they said so, they said so... All the times that I've tried... that said so, that said so... I know you don't wanna know..."
Of course, AA is again using the simple rhyme about crying and dying. But more relevantly, this evidences previous attempts to speak to LLL or reconcile, and his awareness that she is interested in no such thing. "I know you don't wanna know..."
Putting aside this dark bit of thinking, what is my opinion of To My: Long Lost Love? I find the music engrossing. The lyrics are clearly weak and disappointing, and definitely selfish, in my final interpretation.
On the other hand, one can view this as an authentic capturing of a near universal experience. It's all too common for one to have one's heart broken, and to pine for one's ex love. And those feelings are frequently mixed with anger.
AA's feelings of hurt were so intense they led an amateur to picking up his guitar and pen and documenting this rite of passage. I think there is genuine artistic value in that, even if I am very critical of AA's attitude.
In all this writing, I've neglected to mention what the rHizzonE project is. Well, AA released a second record and I would like to continue my analysis and AA's development.
Well, the only confirmed copy was wrapped in plastic bags, packaged in a pizza box, and shipped to a reviewer for The Stranger, an alternative weekly in Seattle. Though misaddressed, it eventually landed on his doorstep, and received a glowing review.
Well, I was wondering if anyone knew where I could get a copy of that record.
According to the HIPPODICK drummer, there is one store in Portland with a copy in a listening room. If you empty your pockets of all electronic devices, you are permitted to enter the room and listen to the store copy.
I am not going to go to Portland.
Well, hence the request. Thanks, in advance, for your help.
The drummer shared with my cousin, and I have now obtained, a tape containing the album "To My: Long Lost Love" by an anonymous musician who left copies of the record at local Portland music stores.
Underground circles were all abuzz over this album in late 2011-early 2012, so, needless to say, I was excited to finally actually have a full copy of the mythical work in my own hands.
According to the story, this anonymous musician, heartbroken and reeling from a devastating break-up, retreated to his apartment where he dug in and recorded an album dedicated to his love. He then self-released the record and left a smattering of copies at local music stores.
He left them there in the hopes that a copy would make its ways to his love's ears.
The record quickly obtained legendary status.
The story goes, he still does not know if she has ever heard it.
I've been listening to it now.
The opening song is called It Comes In Waves. The way the song builds to a swell reminds one of waves.
The strength of the song itself covers the lyrical clunker, "These feelings are driving me insane..."
I should pause now briefly to describe the sound of the album. It is clearly the work of one person. It is lo-fi and self-released. The anonymous artist (AA) usually works with only a guitar, or sometimes a keyboard.
Actually, I digitized this song and put it on youtube. Much of the sound quality was probably lost in the translation.
It Comes In Waves is nearly 4 minutes and by far the longest song on the album. Most of the songs are closer to 2 minutes.
I find it to sound vulnerable and touching when, during a quiet moment, AA exhales, "I miss your voice... I miss your touch... I miss your smile... Oh so much..."
If anyone wondered whether AA has a more prestigious moniker, the lyric described above as a clunker is the first hint that he probably does not.
That might seem unfair based on one line.
Well, the next song is called The Mountain.
If I'm hearing it right, in this song AA sings, "You walked me up the mountain... and then you pushed me off... you opened up my heart... and then you just flew off..."
It is at this point one begins to suspect AA is somewhat embittered at the fact of his break-up.
The third song is called What You Said. This song is under three minutes long. In this song, AA repeats the line "Remember what you said..." twenty-four times.
That doesn't include the seven times he reminds her that "I'll never forget..."
This song is under three minutes long.
Another thing that doesn't include is the aurally disorienting moments where the music gets inverted and AA reveals what it was she said: "you said..you want me... you said..you need me... you said..you love me..."
Evidently, Long Lost Love (LLL) is being held to account for broken promises. Although, one imagines these sorts of things are said in any serious relationship, many of which end.
Actually, those statements can't properly be considered promises. More accurately, then, what LLL is being held to account for is changing how she felt.
LLL is being held to account for no longer loving AA.
As he repeats "Remember what you said...," an intense throbbing bass sound dominates the song. One gets the feeling he is trying to hold these comments over her head.
Track four is called Feelings. AA sings, "How did you think I would get by... how did you think I was going to survive?"
The previous songs had established LLL's supposed betrayal. AA now shares with her the pain he suffered as a result. It begins to be clear that AA is using guilt as a weapon.
If one judged by the story surrounding the record, one might have expected a love story, a beautiful romantic appeal to LLL's heart. Instead it seems AA largely wants to tell his ex how badly she made him feel, which is decidedly less romantic.
I would describe this record not as a love anthem, but as a break-up album.
AA ventures to describe the pain.
"So many feelings... when your heart breaks... so many feelings... when your mind aches... so many feelings," he sings.
AA fails to describe the pain.
This reminds one of the Dodgeball motion picture, when Ben Stiller said, "You made me bleed my own blood." AA seems to be saying, "You made me feel feelings."
Maybe I should not say it reminds one of Dodgeball. It reminds me of that, however. Maybe this rather reminds one of It Comes In Waves, when AA sang, "These feelings drive me insane..." These could be those same aforementioned feelings.
I described that line described as clunky.
Well, "feelings" is the most vague way possible to describe what one is experiencing.
It is also pathetic-sounding. This reminds one of the Kirk Van Houten cassette tape, "Can I borrow a feeling?"
"Can I Borrow a Feeling" was a punch line inviting viewers of the Simpsons to laugh at Kirk Van Houten.
Maybe I should not say it reminds one of the tape by Kirk Van Houten. It reminds me of that, however.
Homer Simpson laughed at "Can I borrow a feeling?"
Feelings is the weakest song on TM:LLL.
Evidently, AA thinks Feelings may not have sufficiently communicated the guilt LLL ought to feel.
This may explain why, in the next song, Living Without You, AA sings, "I pretend that I'm doing alright... but I'm cold inside... the lonely nights I spend without you... they make me want to die... I always cry... when I think about you."
The guilt trip is being taken to more enormous lengths.
He says he still does not know whether she's heard this record.
One explanation for that would be that she is not aware of it. Another explanation would be that she has heard it, but hasn't told him.
One can imagine LLL listening to this record briefly before saying, "Typical AA," and shutting it off. Or maybe she refuses to listen to it at all.
Well, perhaps he never wanted her to hear this record. Perhaps that is why he released it anonymously.
Although, the cover art is allegedly a joint piece of work AA and LLL worked on together before their split. She would therefore recognize the album. He probably did want her to hear the record.
It's also possible he released it anonymously to build the mythos. "Did you hear about the anonymous Portland musician who secretly left an album dedicated to his long lost love in local record stores?" the drummer of HIPPODICK might say.
Incidentally, you won't find the band HIPPODICK on Google.
Actually, AA likely released it anonymously because of the extent to which he bared his soul and made himself vulnerable. Recall his lyrics about wanting to cry, and, also, die.
One suspects AA is romanticizing his pain. But to offer a more favorable interpretation, one could also claim that by sharing his wishes to cry and die, AA intends to prove the bona fides of his love.
More reaslitically, he is being melodramatic and once again heaping guilt at LLL's feet.
The guilt might make her feel regretful. That regret might lead her to reconciling with AA. Could this manipulative line of thinking perhaps have been AA's plan?
Well, but one can't help but feel that this would not fully satisfy AA, who harbors a boatload of resentment along with his continually professed love.
As we see in the next song, If You Say So. At one point, AA is singing, "I guess this is goodbye... if you said so, if you said so... I'll never know why... why you said so, why you said so..."
Of course, AA is once again laying the blame for the break-up at LLL's feet, while declaring himself a confused innocent.
Actually, this is an excellent song. Incidentally, most of the lyrics are indecipherable.
Actually, AA is not entirely confused as to why LLL dumped him. We know this because he diagnoses the problem in the next song.
The next song is called Believe It Or Not. In this song he sings, "You don't believe in love... it's something you're afraid of..."
For his part, he's still a devoted lover. "I hope one day that you believe I love you so..."
I again claim this is a break-up album. It may be enjoyable to listen to when one is feeling down and wants to wallow in one's self-pity. Or perhaps enjoyable is not the right word for reveling in one's own misery. Or perhaps doing something like that can be enjoyable sometimes, in a way.
It may be this is the perfect album for the finger-pointers, the sulkers, and all the bitter ex-boyfriends everywhere.
Perhaps feeling like that should not be encouraged, however.
In any case, the next few songs are not quite as bitter.
The next few songs barely exist.
In "The One," to sparse musical accompaniment, AA sings about an idyllic summer spent with LLL.
AA does sing at one point, "Summer nights... when I held you tight... when I said you were the one... you shook your head no no no..."
Even at this time she was denying that she was "the one." Perhaps that line documents the end of summer, and the coming end of AA's relationship with LLL.
Also perhaps it was a warning. Here is evidence that LLL had told him she was not "the one." Perhaps she did not wish for him to get so invested.
Maybe she also told him she did not believe in love. Well, if so, one can forgive him for the lyrics in Believe It Or Not. Naturally, one can understand why he wants so desperately for her to "remember what she said," when she admitted she wanted, needed, and loved him. One might even understand why, if she is afraid of love, he might wish to emphasize his own love and painful dedication to her. Perhaps this might help her feel safe.
This development would certianly make AA seem less like the scorned, pitiable lover. He would also begin to appear less entitled.
However, the album is afterall called To My: Long Lost Love. Well, the colon being shifted in an unusual manner.
One would expect the album to be called To: My Long Lost Love. Shifting the colon until after the word "My" seems to imply continued ownership and thus entitlement.
To My: Long Lost Love.
Incidentally, the next song is called Long Lost Love. It is very short. It has vocals, but no discernible lyrics. Perhaps there are no words at all. It's interesting that the song titled for LLL isn't given any words.
I'm again turning against AA, you can see, as we head into the final song of the album, What Do I Do With You.
AA again grabs the victimhood mantle in this song.
For example: "I swear I miss you more and more everyday... I honestly wonder why you went away... Nothing's been the same..."
Another example: "What can I say? I love you anyway... What can I do? I know my love is true..."
These are slightly more innocent examples. In another context, we might not think much of them.
Actually, AA also sings on this song: "You hide away like the deepest secret... You say goodbye like you really mean it... So what do I do with you?"
Well, the answer to that seems self-evident.
The answer to that is: "Fuck along now."
Another potential interpretation comes to mind here, this time a frighteningly negative one. Well, what if AA is the stalker type of ex-boyfriend? Let's imagine LLL even has a restraining order against him. Well, no wonder AA penned this album. Well, no wonder he had to resort to leaving it anonymously in record stores. This is an amusing theory.
"What could I write... to make you see the light? What could I play... to have you back again?" AA is definitely deep in denial.
In fact, not too long ago I put together additional lyrics from If You Say So that seem to fit here.
If I'm not mistaken, AA can be heard singing: "These tears that I've cried... they said so, they said so... The ways that I've died... they said so, they said so... All the times that I've tried... that said so, that said so... I know you don't wanna know..."
Of course, AA is again using the simple rhyme about crying and dying. But more relevantly, this evidences previous attempts to speak to LLL or reconcile, and his awareness that she is interested in no such thing. "I know you don't wanna know..."
Putting aside this dark bit of thinking, what is my opinion of To My: Long Lost Love? I find the music engrossing. The lyrics are clearly weak and disappointing, and definitely selfish, in my final interpretation.
On the other hand, one can view this as an authentic capturing of a near universal experience. It's all too common for one to have one's heart broken, and to pine for one's ex love. And those feelings are frequently mixed with anger.
AA's feelings of hurt were so intense they led an amateur to picking up his guitar and pen and documenting this rite of passage. I think there is genuine artistic value in that, even if I am very critical of AA's attitude.
In all this writing, I've neglected to mention what the rHizzonE project is. Well, AA released a second record and I would like to continue my analysis and AA's development.
Well, the only confirmed copy was wrapped in plastic bags, packaged in a pizza box, and shipped to a reviewer for The Stranger, an alternative weekly in Seattle. Though misaddressed, it eventually landed on his doorstep, and received a glowing review.
Well, I was wondering if anyone knew where I could get a copy of that record.
According to the HIPPODICK drummer, there is one store in Portland with a copy in a listening room. If you empty your pockets of all electronic devices, you are permitted to enter the room and listen to the store copy.
I am not going to go to Portland.
Well, hence the request. Thanks, in advance, for your help.
Superabound
Superabound
Not Your S.H.I.E.L.D.
Post rating:
~
i know an Obscure Music Guy who had one of the first mp3 blogs in existence. slang me a copy (or a request? sorry, i didnt actually read the OP) and ill See What I Can DO
Panopticon
Panopticon
Post rating:
~
Leading Light Love Organisation
ilmdge
ilmdge
Online
Post rating:
~
thanks sup'.
when i was listening to it a bunch the dude really started blowing my mind with how desperate a creep he was and i felt compelled to start writing down some of the shit he was singing and then that post happened. probably no one cares, not sure how interesting it is to read lyrics from songs youve never heard
hmm well here's the song i put on youtube
actually, one more thing to add:
i just listened to the unreleased track he sent to The Stranger after tm:lll and he literally sings, more than once, the line "baby ill see you again..when you come to your senses."
fascinating!
when i was listening to it a bunch the dude really started blowing my mind with how desperate a creep he was and i felt compelled to start writing down some of the shit he was singing and then that post happened. probably no one cares, not sure how interesting it is to read lyrics from songs youve never heard
hmm well here's the song i put on youtube
actually, one more thing to add:
i just listened to the unreleased track he sent to The Stranger after tm:lll and he literally sings, more than once, the line "baby ill see you again..when you come to your senses."
fascinating!
Edited by ilmdge ()
gyrofry
gyrofry
Kurdt
Post rating:
+
i have been boycotting spotify until they add the new my bloody valentine album
ilmdge
ilmdge
Online
Post rating:
~
That's up to MBV, not spotify. btw I went to see MBV in Philly with a 'zzoner friend. It was pretty cool. I wonder if they'll put out new material again
Superabound
Superabound
Not Your S.H.I.E.L.D.
Post rating:
~
ilmdge posted:That's up to MBV, not spotify. btw I went to see MBV in Philly with a 'zzoner friend. It was pretty cool. I wonder if they'll put out new material again
what did you do to tpaine
dipshit420
dipshit420
political car tune
Post rating:
~
XrMH_Bm5AEU
EmanuelaBrolandi
EmanuelaBrolandi
Post rating:
+
i went to philly last weekend and i did a bunch of blow for 3 days and got drunk at bob and barbaras
wasted
wasted
Post rating:
~
EmanuelaOrlandi posted:i went to philly last weekend and i did a bunch of blow for 3 days and got drunk at bob and barbaras
'nother day at the office