swampman posted:sure if the only thing you find arousing about a woman is her body.
i put objectification in scare quotes because the term is rooted in body-hatred, even though the thing it is attempting to combat occurs for the same reason. to disentangle this web we must invent new something something i dunno
NoFreeWill posted:i put objectification in scare quotes because the term is rooted in body-hatred, even though the thing it is attempting to combat occurs for the same reason.
huh bro? are you saying that when "people" (men) objectify others (mostly women) it's some radical response to women hating our bodies??? u trippin
NoFreeWill posted:even though the thing it is attempting to combat occurs for the same reason.
this is still dumb-sounding and weird. objectification was the "it" in that sentence right? sexual objectification is not some movement attempting to combat body hatred.
SariBari posted:this is still dumb-sounding and weird. objectification was the "it" in that sentence right? sexual objectification is not some movement attempting to combat body hatred.
i'm bad write sorry. i'm ignorant of feminist theory but not that dumb. i meant they are attempting to combat certain thoughtactions on the part of men thru the use of the term objectification. and that men's objectification of female bodies, female self-body-hatred and the feminist attempts to solve those problems are sometimes rooted in the same mind-body dualism that helps cause them.
swampman posted:usually when guys are like "oh i can't use my imagination to beat off, my mom might show up" it means they do not have the inner tranquility attained through decades of meditation and asceticism.
terror at a lack of control over one's desire is pretty sad. male desire is often depicted as overpowering and uncontrollable lust, a force of nature that must be diverted off safely through manly acts. or perhaps diminished and commercialized through porn.
NoFreeWill posted:that men's objectification of female bodies, female self-body-hatred and the feminist attempts to solve those problems are sometimes rooted in the same mind-body dualism that helps cause them.
yeah but feminine agency isn't some bizarre lamella that emerges from the cracks between boss tittays when one Obtains Feminism. men dont need to invoke any sort of dualism to separate physical appearance from personal agency, so why is this necessary for women? i guess there may be a feminist out there somewhere who does this, but i don't think its really common or for that matter integral to the conception of objectification.
"A Man bored with life, decides to rent a series of videotapes and redecorate his apartment while getting in touch with his humanity; a tiny chow makes a mess of the living room."
discipline posted:haha I watched american psycho with some friends last night and when I brought up the prostitution angle my friends were like "oh it's just like any other service in germany, being a john is not antisocial/sociopathic/psychotic behavior, it's just like going to the dentist" which was so horrifying because between that and "finance is not an inherently exploitative and useless profession" they arrived at the conclusion that american psycho is a fascinating lighthearted period piece that could have been set anywhere in the world in several different eras: "a man is bored with his life and seeks to get in touch with his humanity" I'm not joking
there are a couple moments the film really does milk for comedy, like the "feed me a stray cat" bit
tpaine posted:1) Make it Platinum. Wait, that shit's too expensive. Make it Colt 45.
i dont know what the prostitution angle is in it other than he personally acts out what his class performs institutionally
Dear Tits and Sass,
I need help breaking up with a long time client. He is a very sweet guy and if I were to describe our dates (lots of time out in public: dinners, shows, etc.) it would sound like a pretty cushy gig. The problem is that I find being physical with him deeply, deeply repulsive. Not like I’m so hot for my other clients, but it’s a real challenge with this guy. I regularly find myself closing my eyes and trying to breathe without letting *any* expression cross my face—forget about me faking pleasure, I’m merely hoping to not betray my urge to run. Let me stress that he is not abusive or demanding, and he doesn’t hurt me.
I feel like he’s usually aware that I’m hating every second we’re naked together, but he’s so taken with me he lets it slide. The last time we did an overnight together, I dreamed about screaming at him that he was horrible and I never wanted to see him again. He’s not horrible, but I can’t talk my body out of feeling completely miserable during sex with him. We’ve known each other for over a year now, seen each other for long dates at least 15 times, and I have no idea how to break it off. I can’t pretend I’m retiring, and I don’t want to take down the overnight option from my website. (Seeing him for a short period of time won’t really help anyway; I’ve tried, and it still sucks.) But I’ve got to do something because in the days in advance of seeing him, I start feeling really sad and panicked. I don’t think it’s healthy for me to see him anymore, no matter how much money is at stake. Please help!
Beatrice Darling: It’s time to DTMFA. By the time we’ve turned more than a year’s worth of tricks, we’ve all encountered a client we just can’t stand. Sometimes, it’s because of some egregious fault, but often it’s just a complete lack of chemistry that cannot be overcome by a harlot’s charm and a nice fat envelope. It sounds like in your case, it’s extra-stressful because he’s hyper-aware of your revulsion, which naturally leads you to focus on it even harder, and makes you want to work doubly hard to overcompensate for it. Ugh.
You seem aware enough that being an escort does not mean that you HAVE to see anyone you don’t like, but it’s hard even in the real world to break up with someone with no clear reason to cite. If you could handle him for shorter intervals, I would suggest telling him that you have found yourself with less time on your hands for extended dates, but that you will let him know if that changes. You can still leave the overnight rates posted, telling him that you don’t want to make sweeping site changes for a temporary lack of availability. It sounds like you’ve tried that, though, and that you need a more permanent solution.
I don’t recommend absolute honesty. A fantasy relationship deserves a fantasy ending, and it’s not too hard to give him one. One true thing about transactional relationships is that they often reach a natural conclusion. There is only so much intimacy to be purchased before things reach a stagnant swamp of faux-lovin. Even if that’s not precisely what has happened here, it’s a soft letdown. If he might sincerely be a cush client for another girl, feel free to recommend him to a friend:
“I feel that over the months, we’ve come to a bit of a cul-de-sac, and I think it’s time to take a step back. It has been an honor to get to know you, to play, to explore, but the beauty of a relationship like ours is its ephemeral nature. We burn hot and bright, and in the end are able to remember one another fondly. I’m happy to recommend a companion or two for you to look into should you wish to find a new lover.”
Once you’ve broken it off, you’re not obliged to continue contact at all. He doesn’t have to agree with your reasons. He doesn’t even have to understand. Of course, you could skip the breakup email altogether and just stop replying to him, but the classy thing to do is compose a brief yet thoughtful email, telling him that you’ve enjoyed your time together (even if you haven’t), but that you feel that it’s time for you both to move on (which you clearly do). You may find that he agrees with you, or he may be resistant. Either way, stand your ground. Good luck!
Annora Quinn: I was recently in a similar situation with a client. He would always see me for overnights, buy me expensive gifts, and was an okay guy, but my repulsion for him was so strong that I would spend the booking counting the minutes until I could leave. It made me hate him, myself, and sex work in general. I would promise myself never to see him again, but inevitably would, and it never got any better.
Sending an email is best. In person means you’re on the clock and on the phone could end in an argument or you agreeing to see him again. Be direct, say that you are unable to see him again in no uncertain terms, but be nice. I wouldn’t detail the real reasons, but saying that you prefer to only meet clients you have chemistry with is a good, vague, way to avoid detailing the ways in which he repulses you.
It isn’t easy to hear that even a woman you pay to spend time with doesn’t want to see you, and if he’s developing real feelings for you there’s no way to know how he will react. If he already suspects you aren’t enjoying yourself when you are together he might preserve his ego and not press the issue, but be prepared for an emotional response. Any further communication should be kept to a minimum so there is no room for misinterpretation on his part.
Johanna: Self-care is an important skill for any sex worker, so I think you should congratulate yourself for proactively identifying a situation that isn’t working for you. Well done! Escorts are pretty vulnerable to burn-out, so maintaining our boundaries is key. At the point where someone’s paying you for an overnighter and you’re spending days feeling miserable, the labour-to-payoff ratio has definitely tipped in the wrong direction.
I used to have a regular who I saw once or twice a week for nearly a year. He was a bit weird, but not horrible, and it was dependable money. Unfortunately, I spent every moment with him suppressing the desire to bludgeon him to death with a dildo. I was so determined to prove to myself that I was this totally unshakable super-hooker that I slogged on for months, until I eventually got so demoralized that I had to go on ho-liday for eight weeks. So, avoid my mistakes, and lose this guy now.
You’ll want to be polite and professional about it, but you don’t have to sacrifice assertiveness. If you never want to see him again, you should make that clear, because otherwise he’s just going to keep pushing. You’re a woman, and you’re an escort, so that means you’re doubly skilled at helping men do as little of their own emotional labour as possible. As a result, you may feel an obligation to protect his feelings, but you don’t want to imply that there’s any room for negotiation here.
Do it via email, and keep it short and sweet – you’re trying to end your involvement with this man, not embark on a series of conversations about his feelings:
“I’m writing to say that I’m not going to be able to see you anymore. I’ve enjoyed our time together, and you’ve been a wonderful client, but for me our relationship has run its course. Thank you for your generosity and good company over the past year. I’ll look back on our adventures very fondly.”
He probably isn’t going to be happy about this, but that’s okay. If he questions your decision, write back once repeating that you won’t be seeing him again, and then stop responding. Eventually, he’ll no doubt find some other escort who can tolerate (or hey, maybe even enjoy) his affections. In the meantime, be firm and stick to your guns.
tpaine posted:american psycho is a completely amoral movie that i believe i argued long ago actively makes fun of the audience for trying to derive any meaning from it
that's not really true, tee-pin. you are projecting your own apathy into the author's intent
NoFreeWill posted:maybe i'm reading feminism into my weird upbringing.
there ya go.