#1


“To let things slide for the sake of peace and friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because he is an old acquaintance, a fellow townsman, a schoolmate, a close friend, a loved one, an old colleague or old subordinate. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going into it thoroughly, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the organization and the individual are harmed. This is one type of liberalism.”

- Mao Tse-tung, Combat Liberalism



There is a trite idea found amongst many unthinking people that you should value friendship and empathy above all else. Judgment is to be considered a terrible sin. And yet, do they always empathize, always avoid judgment? Does their behavior really reflect such a belief?

To answer this question, look to the past. The past is empirical evidence. It helps us understand the various systems of cause and effect which dictate reality. In studying it you will see patterns emerge.

Look at the patterns of your life and its friendships. How many people were you very close with, only to eventually cut off? How many people broke your heart or ignored you? How many people did you yourself find disagreeable enough to avoid? How many people changed over the years into something you no longer cared to associate with? How many did you outgrow and leave behind? How many friendships transformed into a wide gulf of silence? Maybe they’re a click away on Facebook, but realistically speaking, they aren’t your friends anymore. Judging by the past, it would seem that friendships are usually a rather transitory thing, based on regular proximity, nothing like what the tireless advocates of unprincipled empathy would claim.

It is usually the case that friendship weakens as it goes on. When both friends are new, they are empty slates. It’s all smiles and laughter and avoiding contentious topics in search of things they have in common. It is as they learn about one another, come to understand their beliefs and habits, that they grow resentful. They exhaust their commonalities. Their disagreements become the focal point of the relationship. They discover things they don’t abide. Attempts to discuss it are soon denied. It becomes clear that the relationship is conditional upon avoiding certain subjects. This results in them either talking less, or not talking at all.

Once you understand these causal relationships, you can apply them to present conditions. You can inductively determine what is likely to happen in the future because you will see those same patterns arising again. This is the scientific method.

But there is a risk of tainting your understanding. If you do not look at things honestly and objectively, then you are not going to discover the truth. What you will do instead is seek to rationalize a worldview that you only wish was true. If only everyone acted like an angel, we wouldn’t have these problems! Ironically, these “wishful thinking” myths which seem so hopeful and idealistic at first inevitably end up being much worse than actual reality. This is precisely because reality does not conform to the ideals, and so adherents grow to hate reality. Reality is unacceptable, it is insufficient; we are all entitled to a better reality built on the principle of true, total empathy! For Kim Il-sung tells us, “Man is the master of everything and decides everything.”

People get trapped in ideas like this because at some point they were rendered impressionable and then moved strongly to believe them. Perhaps they were indoctrinated over a long period of time. Maybe they had a brief but momentous experience that changed them. Maybe they were terrified by truth and took refuge in the solace of a delusion, only for the delusion to then warp them into a misanthropic malcontent, cynical towards humanity, suspicious of anyone who might speak truth and bring back its terror.

Ideas are taught to us by art, which compels us to an emotional conclusion by telling a fictional story. And while some art can be a great influence, other art may not actually follow the causal patterns of reality, and so distorts the mind into believing foolish ideas. When an author tugs at your heartstrings, he has the opportunity to sell you all sorts of platitudes.

The myth of friendship tells us that we must never betray our friends under any circumstances. We must have total understanding for their every action; except, of course, the wrong kind of action. We must be empathetic towards people no matter what ridiculous things they do; unless, of course, they do something un-empathetic. We tolerate everybody, except the intolerant, which is everybody. It is inherently self-contradictory through deduction.

Acquiring a new belief can feel fulfilling, like a revelation. Having it sustained by others can feel like vindication. But then that belief turns out only to be a basic principle, an axiom from which countless other ideas necessarily follow. These ideas must then logically be defended in order to maintain the original principle and its associated feelings. Contradictions inevitably arise.

At this point you can either continue to rationalize the principle, or recognize that it may be overly simplistic, that maybe the universe and its moral laws are somewhat complex and nuanced.

So it is with friendship, a wonderful thing, yet a thing which is not based on illusory ideals of unconditional love. Friendship is extremely conditional, and downright political. It is often a union rooted in collusion against others. A common enemy can keep friendship sustained for a long time, as each overlooks their comrades’ problems in favor of solidarity with the cause.

Friendship is actually the biggest liability that exists in terms of a person’s moral integrity. You uphold lies because they are convenient to your relationships with your friends. You avoid speaking truths to avoid offending your friends.

But if you are a serious person, you will always prioritize truth and justice over friendship. Not only friendship, but family, and people you hold great debts to. Everything else falls away when you are focused on truth and truth alone.

It is the heart that fools us into false ideology, but it is bitter pride that keeps us enslaved to it. To acknowledge that you were wrong about something is really rather difficult to do. It requires courage similar to that needed to rip off a bandage. You will be mocked, your reputation will be hurt temporarily, you will have to eat crow. But it must be done if you want to abandon an unhealthy falsehood and accept the liberating truth. Some will welcome you back to reality with relief and open arms.

Your reputation will ultimately be far worse if you never acknowledge your mistakes and continue to ply people who demand you adhere to the myth. And if your goal is to avoid mockery, then I have bad news: mockery is inevitable even if you are completely right. Anyone who aspires to greatness must become callous to mockery.

Once you devote yourself fully to the truth — the actual truth — you will see how often people keep themselves “going” with absurd delusions that are actually the cause of all of their troubles.

Curing people of their delusions is righteous work that must be done. You would not really be a friend to someone if you let them live under a ridiculous myth which was the source of their suffering. Aiding and abetting a misbelief is actually a form of cruelty or torture that enables people in their plan for a permanent denial of reality. You doom them to a much worse quality of life, one oriented around eternally convincing themselves that they are right about something which they are wrong about. This can be extremely detrimental to the practical conditions of their everyday experience. There are enormous social consequences, as everyone who is in line with reality regards them as crazy. The greatest suffering an individual can endure is a refusal to accept reality for what it is, and it is a crime to encourage them in that.

Society at large also benefits from having people who are not deluded. If people are clear thinking and rational, the world can progress. If not, adolescent furies will dominate everything, and drag civilization down with them. For civilization is the eradication of barbarism.

Sometimes you will share long and amicable friendships with people full of commiseration and understanding only to see them turn their back on you when push comes to shove. These people need to be cut off without mercy. Humiliate them if they deserve it. Hold them accountable. Scold them like an errant dog. Call a spade a spade. Someone who cannot accept you for who you truly are simply is not your friend, but your enemy. The same is true if you rightly can’t accept them. If they apologize with a level of sincerity that satisfies you, forgive them, but don’t expect it.

It can be a moral duty to betray. Sometimes people you care about need a wakeup call, a jolt to their system. You must give them a strong emotional experience that forces them to confront their delusion, and the way you do this is by building rapport and camaraderie, obtaining their trust, and then strictly condemning their ideological failure. Make them choose between your love and their lie. The resulting suffering at having gained and then tragically lost validation will make them realize just what invalids they are.

Do not expect to be rewarded for your service. Most will hate you for it, because they do not understand. And they may not change their minds immediately. It will stew in their heads, uncomfortably, until one day, perhaps years later, they realize you were right.

Another major element of friendship is blackmail. The way we gain trust with one another is by sharing our vulnerabilities. A naive person will give this information out freely without concern of betrayal. The friendship is then maintained by both parties in a devilish pact purely to avoid the truth coming to light publicly or amongst their other friends; we criticize such truth-telling as “gossip”. But everyone gossips. And gossip allows us to socially regulate others into behaving more appropriately. It helps us determine how others feel about their questionable behavior, and possibly build a coalition against them.

Spite is also crucial to personal motivation. By having people you hate, you will seek to overcome them. To outlive them. To defeat them in the game of life. Living well is the best revenge. Is it any surprise that the saints of empathy lack ambition?

Not least of all, you must speak the truth for the sake of the human being which is yourself. Nietzsche advises that you become who you are, share your real thoughts and beliefs with a radical honesty. It is an existential quest for personal purpose. It is a romantic one which will motivate you to discipline yourself and better fight evil. History tells us that cowards live empty lives.

Just be ready: an honest confrontation and re-analysis may reveal that you were the delusional one, after all. Always maintain your humility before the truth. It surely will drop you to your knees and have you begging for forgiveness in the future. I can guarantee you that, because you are human; there are things you are wrong about right now. At core, you must be ruthlessly skeptical of yourself, your sources, your acquaintances, your friends, your loved ones, and everything you’ve come to believe.

The goal is to become a good person who is aligned with truth and justice to the greatest possible capacity. It will require determination, effort, study, and bravery. But it is a war, not a party. Especially not a pity party. One should never regret losing a friend over speaking truth, not even a sliver. Rather, one should realize their friend was actually an enemy of truth, the greatest evil, deserving of contempt. And there are always new friends on the horizon who can better enrich your understanding than an albatross can. Good people do not resist honest scrutiny. Let there be no tears for the willfully naive.

You must choose your own friends precisely because they are favorable to you. Do not conform yourself to their stupid demands, conform your social group to what is right. Don't suffer fools, maudlin leeches, political enemies, those who sit idly by while others unfairly attack you, those who will not join you in taking a righteous stand, or any other kind of dreadful person. Just tell them to change their ways and leave them. The second a friendship is no longer to your advantage is the second it should be dropped like the bad habit it is. Obtaining the focus necessary to speak truth without reservation or fear is only possible by shedding a lot of dead weight without regret.

There are such things as good friends who can stay with you for life. But this is not something that can be forced by accepting the unacceptable. Such an attempt will surely crack under the strain. It is only possible if both are committed to virtue and truth, and assist one another in correcting themselves by honestly discussing disagreements, helping one another to become better people. People who honestly try to achieve atonement instead of give lip service to the nobility of forgiveness. These people you can give your heart to fully. But it must be earned.

As for the enclaves of untruth, the promoters of wishful thinking, the hypocrites, the cultists, the hugboxes, the echo chambers of liars who think they are being “social” and “healthy” through reinforcing a constant corruption of their understanding of reality: your Robespierre will fall to the same guillotine as your Danton.

Edited by heatdeath ()

#2
I think you're basically right, even though its a weirdly harsh way to write about friends. Some people are hesitant to get rid of friends who sell them out and offer no hands up when they're down. I think this is just fear of not making new friends, lack of confidence. Once you have confidence you can sort of collect and forge a new four dimensional klein bottle shape of friends, from the intimate die for you friends, to acquaintances who you talk about interior decorating and one specific inside joke with.


por supeuesto, friendship isn't a monolith. It works differently in USA vs Europe. In Europe people are friends for life, and it's hard to become friends with someone when you're older than 18. In America you can make a friend in a few hours.

If you're secure enough to be intimate with your friends, and to trust them with anything, willing to help them no matter what, it's very hard to stop being friends. In america its much harder to be intimate with friends, there are walls everywhere. Men can only find it through deep drinking and the 'i love man' camaraderie an d play fighting. Girls in USA have it easier, a girl can touch another without it being a punch. But opportunities for emotional betrayal lurk around every corner, in ways that are hard to replicate in male friendships. Although cutthroat irrational cruelty has infected normal protestant america thanks to the sociopathic antivalues of outsiders and sick exile authors.

Friendship is important as a safety valve. It allows sharing yourself without the grave risks of marriage and sexual relationships. It allows helping and being helped without the life and death implications of family. Having a cadre of really good close friends is a marker of well lived and stable (in a good way) life.

It seems natural to change groups of friends as you change as a person. The group of friends I have now are the best friends I've ever had, and I'm a much healthier, happier, and more materially comfortable person than I've ever been. when your friends don't match or at least understand or acknowledge your hmmm, i'm not sure of the right word, let's say physio-psycho-sexual approach to life, they won't be able to function properly as friends
#3
you've used autism to justify something that doesn't need autism to be justified. sorry about your shitty friends
#4
Imo, if u find the scientific method more in the realms of reality than a handshake, then, well, friend, u gotta work it out

You must choose your own friends precisely because they are favorable to you. Do not conform yourself to their stupid demands, conform your social group to what is right.


this seems more idealist and controlling than an army of colonialists shredding the primate natives for having Dumb Animist Demands

Curing people of their delusions is righteous work that must be done.


a

#5
I do think it's interesting what people will justify as within the acceptable limits of friendship. For instance most people say they would not be friends with a racist or a sexist (even though this is not true) and most liberals create a difference between moral values, like abortion and gay rights, and political values, like taxes and views on welfare, usually saying the former is unacceptable to have differences on while the latter is healthy and expected. This, of course, is nonsense and just a regurgitation of conservative efforts to control civil society in the 70s after it was clear the battle for the state and direct hegemony had been lost. Moral values being removed from the everyday politics is a conservative talking point, reversed and pathetically used to justify liberalism (which is basically what american liberalism is, a reversal of conservativism always 3 steps behind). I do think it would be interesting to discuss the battled for civil society in which the norm nowadays is to be pro-gay marriage and anti-racism but anti-affirmative action, anti-radical feminism and gay rights and anti-ideology in general which clearly shows a battle is occurring with different sides succeeding in different areas. How this manifests in friendships and relationships is of course primarily where the battle takes place, there was a thread on the subject in e/n recently which I thought was an interesting peek into the american liberal mind (albeit the highly dysfunctional one in e/n).

Since we're on the subject of personalities in the other thread and here though, this seems dishonest coming from a forum (or a spinoff of a forum) full of highly dysfunctional, anti-social weirdos which makes me doubt if a serious conversation can take place. Maybe if this thread happened somewhere else or with another poster, but threads justifying anti-social behavior after already having reached the conclusion of being friendless or justifying watching anime or being a furry or all the other threads which pop up in the lf universe are sort of an embarrasment that I hope we can leave behind.
#6
your desire seems to be toward an absurd anti-aesthetic moral paradise, which is revolting.

my best friend works in NYC high finance. life would be pretty fucking boring eating a turkey sandwich for every meal

Edited by animedad ()

#7
[account deactivated]
#8

discipline posted:

babyhueypnewton posted:

this isn't true though, baby huey.. most people who post on the rhizzone are actually attractive, charming, intelligent, somewhat on the up-and-up professionally, and well-socialized with their peer groups



well tbh not that many people post on here and i wouldn't call lungfish, notcatfish, rapespeed, or getfiscal (though in his case I think it's cause he's a revolutionary who doesn't fit in very well instead of just a loser) well adjusted. but you're right that this forum doesn't have the same loser syndrome that the other lf has, it's just when a poster with an anime avatar posts about society it was funny when i first came to lf but now is just annoying.

#9
Fuck you Baby Huey, Madoka is a great show and there's nothign weird abot appreciating such a work of art.
#10

babyhueypnewton posted:

discipline posted:

babyhueypnewton posted:

this isn't true though, baby huey.. most people who post on the rhizzone are actually attractive, charming, intelligent, somewhat on the up-and-up professionally, and well-socialized with their peer groups

well tbh not that many people post on here and i wouldn't call lungfish, notcatfish, rapespeed, or getfiscal (though in his case I think it's cause he's a revolutionary who doesn't fit in very well instead of just a loser) well adjusted. but you're right that this forum doesn't have the same loser syndrome that the other lf has, it's just when a poster with an anime avatar posts about society it was funny when i first came to lf but now is just annoying.

what about avatars of classic new wave cinema

#11
[account deactivated]
#12
hey lungfish how come i cant read all your other bad posts on your shitty tumblr!
#13

discipline posted:
this isn't true though, baby huey.. most people who post on the rhizzone are actually attractive, charming, intelligent, somewhat on the up-and-up professionally, and well-socialized with their peer groups



we're bros here at the rhizzone. i'm a bro. i like deleuze, joyce, obscure electronic music, and pussy (but not the bitch that it's attached to! haha just a lil joke, i read bell hooks)

#14
i would address the content of your post but uh youre technically in the PANOPTICON
#15

heatdeath posted:
Once you understand these causal relationships, you can apply them to present conditions. You can inductively determine what is likely to happen in the future because you will see those same patterns arising again. This is the scientific method.



iirc science requires a sample group larger than 1,

a control group wouldn't hurt either.

that is if we were to discuss generalizations rather than simply the pattern of Lungfish's past relationships

#16
i thank god every day for all my relationships even the ones that soured or went bad somehow
#17
But how are we going to get our precious communisms without friends? aristotle says that only amongst friends are things truly held in common.
#18
lungfish... a communist?!?
#19

babyhueypnewton posted:
getfiscal (though in his case I think it's cause he's a revolutionary who doesn't fit in very well instead of just a loser)



no getfiscal is very much a loser

#20

heatdeath posted:
Judging by the past, it would seem that friendships are usually a rather transitory thing, based on regular proximity, nothing like what the tireless advocates of unprincipled empathy would claim.



this is really weird and sad to me. almost all of my close friends are people i've known for a decade or more and when we're back together after a long period of separation there isn't any real difference in the quality of the relationship. the "based on regular proximity" thing makes me think of people i work with whose social relationships occur entirely within the work environment and can be ended by administrative fiat

#21
actually I think you'll find that when you properly take uncertainty and the role of social information networks in human behavior into account, the rational strategy for most combinations of persons and situations is to share information selectively, based on relationships built on costly signals, rather than attempt things separately. tension in a relationship increases the cost of signals and can thereby increase its information value when handled constructively. delusions on the part of the other agent do not necessarily ruin the fidelity of information received through the channel, if you understand the nature of the delusions and are able to account for their effect; delusion can certainly be a valid reason to discontinue some relationships tho. in human societies, the fidelity of information input is often as much a concern as the quality of your internal processing as far as discerning truths goes. no individual in premodern history could reasonably hope to gain much information on their own, without connections to social information networks through cooperative relationships established on the basis of costly signals. today, the Internet obscures this aspect of social life by presenting us with a single network from which massive quantity and quality of information can be taken universally, but it remains in effect for various kinds of information not easily found on computers (though searching through printed media continues to get better). trust is built on costly signals and should therefore be considered carefully before discarded

but I stopped talking to people outside of necessary contact a while ago and now I'm posting to avoid the creeping insanity from isolation so wtf do I know
#22
i measure all of my friendships based on "friendship units." a friend receives units based on a rational evaluation of what they have done for me so far, minus what i have done for them so far; as well as a calculation of what they may do for me in the future, which includes a variety of sub-calculations that includes their own social network and income-bracket.
#23
people pay me to be friends with them. i save up diligently and husband my resources widely in order to pay other, really cool and Correct ideological bros to be friends with me. im currently negotiating a contract with one of my paid female friends to impregnate her and have her bear my child but its not going very well. does anyone know lykourgos' hourly r8
#24

Myfanwy posted:
I think you're basically right, even though its a weirdly harsh way to write about friends. Some people are hesitant to get rid of friends who sell them out and offer no hands up when they're down. I think this is just fear of not making new friends, lack of confidence. Once you have confidence you can sort of collect and forge a new four dimensional klein bottle shape of friends, from the intimate die for you friends, to acquaintances who you talk about interior decorating and one specific inside joke with.


por supeuesto, friendship isn't a monolith. It works differently in USA vs Europe. In Europe people are friends for life, and it's hard to become friends with someone when you're older than 18. In America you can make a friend in a few hours.

If you're secure enough to be intimate with your friends, and to trust them with anything, willing to help them no matter what, it's very hard to stop being friends. In america its much harder to be intimate with friends, there are walls everywhere. Men can only find it through deep drinking and the 'i love man' camaraderie an d play fighting. Girls in USA have it easier, a girl can touch another without it being a punch. But opportunities for emotional betrayal lurk around every corner, in ways that are hard to replicate in male friendships. Although cutthroat irrational cruelty has infected normal protestant america thanks to the sociopathic antivalues of outsiders and sick exile authors.

Friendship is important as a safety valve. It allows sharing yourself without the grave risks of marriage and sexual relationships. It allows helping and being helped without the life and death implications of family. Having a cadre of really good close friends is a marker of well lived and stable (in a good way) life.

It seems natural to change groups of friends as you change as a person. The group of friends I have now are the best friends I've ever had, and I'm a much healthier, happier, and more materially comfortable person than I've ever been. when your friends don't match or at least understand or acknowledge your hmmm, i'm not sure of the right word, let's say physio-psycho-sexual approach to life, they won't be able to function properly as friends


I like your point about Europe and the US, although I'm not sure how valid it is. Men are even more macho in Italy. And I think the general human experience of becoming an older and different person than you started out, living in different locales or working a variety of different jobs, is common regardless of what continent you are on.

You can be as secure as you like but trusting people wholly is bad policy for a great deal of people who simply are not trustworthy. I am a very honest person and it has gotten me in trouble many times.

I think what you say about friends being a marker of a well-earned life helps reveal what friendships really are to many people, a status symbol, a source of validation.

#25

shennong posted:

heatdeath posted:
Judging by the past, it would seem that friendships are usually a rather transitory thing, based on regular proximity, nothing like what the tireless advocates of unprincipled empathy would claim.

this is really weird and sad to me. almost all of my close friends are people i've known for a decade or more and when we're back together after a long period of separation there isn't any real difference in the quality of the relationship. the "based on regular proximity" thing makes me think of people i work with whose social relationships occur entirely within the work environment and can be ended by administrative fiat


I have old friends from growing up too although I only really care to talk to two of them anymore. The rest have just become something I no longer find very interesting or respectable and years of playing Nintendo and football in the past no longer makes up for it. None of them know much about the intimate details of my current life nor I theirs. I like seeing them when I do but that happens once a year at most, less frequently as time goes on.

I moved away from my hometown, but it doesn't matter because so did almost everyone else. It is the work environments where I have made the best friends lately and I consider my current crop of coworkers my best friends even though I know in five years time I probably won't be talking to many of them regularly and will be doing something else.

#26

babyhueypnewton posted:

discipline posted:

babyhueypnewton posted:

this isn't true though, baby huey.. most people who post on the rhizzone are actually attractive, charming, intelligent, somewhat on the up-and-up professionally, and well-socialized with their peer groups

well tbh not that many people post on here and i wouldn't call lungfish, notcatfish, rapespeed, or getfiscal (though in his case I think it's cause he's a revolutionary who doesn't fit in very well instead of just a loser) well adjusted. but you're right that this forum doesn't have the same loser syndrome that the other lf has, it's just when a poster with an anime avatar posts about society it was funny when i first came to lf but now is just annoying.



from that list only getfiscal is a regular poster and he is disabled

#27
I thought this essay was brilliant satire because it satirized the reader in his response in an Andy Kaufman-esque manner rather than satirizing a third party for the benefit of the privileged audienced. Profoundly difficult to achieve but you did it with aplomb. Well done Joel
#28

heatdeath posted:
I have old friends from growing up too although I only really care to talk to two of them anymore. The rest have just become something I no longer find very interesting or respectable and years of playing Nintendo and football in the past no longer makes up for it. None of them know much about the intimate details of my current life nor I theirs. I like seeing them when I do but that happens once a year at most, less frequently as time goes on.

I moved away from my hometown, but it doesn't matter because so did almost everyone else. It is the work environments where I have made the best friends lately and I consider my current crop of coworkers my best friends even though I know in five years time I probably won't be talking to many of them regularly and will be doing something else.



right its just that this isnt a universal experience or intrinsically embedded within the character of human relationships

#29
[account deactivated]
#30
i love the bitch that its attached to, but the pussy not so much. what am i
#31
[account deactivated]
#32

Impper posted:
i love the bitch that its attached to, but the pussy not so much. what am i



mexican

#33

babyfinland posted:
Impper posted:
i love the bitch that its attached to, but the pussy not so much. what am i


mexican

certum est quia impossibile


Hahaha!

#34
tell us in your hot new novel "I Married A Woman With A Horrifying Tumorous Growth In The Uncanny Likeness Of A Cat"
#35
that sounds like an interesting novel but not really my style
#36

shennong posted:
right its just that this isnt a universal experience or intrinsically embedded within the character of human relationships


plus there's this fixation on on the shallowness of many relationships but a really offhand admission that "yeah i got a couple good friends but the rest are just acquaintances." i had a similar reaction to the op--hd sets up casual friends the paradigm of friendship, then says we must destroy the paradigm! if we do we will break through to the deep honest and meaningful relationships friendship is standing in the way of!

but real life isn't like the "Friends" the television show. most people have 2 or three truly good friends and a bunch of more casual friends and that's. o. kay. you don't need a well-thumbed copy of 'thus spake' to get the former and the two are not at all mutually exclusive

#37
#38
MY EARS ARE BURNING
#39
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote an essay titled "Circles" that prefigures a lot of this thread. You might read it and see if it takes you somewhere new...