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Ok, here is a scalable recipe for the rhizzone recipe bank which will be integrated as part of the forums wide minigames implementation

Low-ingredient Scalable Fruit Crumbles/Crisps
Crumble are like a dessert holdover from world war 2 rationing and only have 4 real ingredients - they are a great way to use fruit, which is often found growing on trees or else can be found in a shop. You can make them as big as an oven can fit. Also they are fully scalable and modular. they are perfect in every way and only take 10-15 mins to prep. also they are vegetarian but not vegan (see below)

Base ingredients:
Plain Flour
Butter/Margarine (cold) (if you want a vegan crumble you can adapt the recipe with coconut oil-vegan spread combos)
Fresh Non-citrus Fruit (apples, pears, most stonefruit, many berries), or rhubarb

Extra ingredients:
Flaked nuts
rolled oats
Dried fruit (can bulk out fresh fruit)

This recipe is based on a simple scalable ratio of flour:fat:sugar - 3:1.5:1. That means for every 3 ounces of flour you need 1.5 ounces of butter/marg an 1 ounce of sugar. It doesn't matter if you a making crumble for 1 or for 1 million, its always the same ratio.

1. Prepare your fruit - peel and core apples and pears, de-stone stonefruit.

2. Take a large baking tray and fill with your fruit to a depth of about 4cm. Try and use only 1-2 types of fruit. Apples + berries works well.
Sprinkle some sugar on top of the fruit depending on its tartness: gooseberries = lots of sugar, raspberries not so much. You can also sprinkle on spices at this point.

3. In a large mixing bowl add your flour, then add your little cubes of cold butter/marg. If you are using a regular baking tray you might want 10-12oz of flour. for a smaller one you might want 8 oz of flour. If you wish to add rolled oats, remove 1-2 oz of flour at this stage but do not add oats yet.

Using both hands (clean!) take a quality of the flour + fat and rub it between your fingers and thumbs to mash up the fat and integrate it into the flour. As you do let if fall back into the bowl - the key is to also integrate air into the flour. dont just mix it in a bowl (noob tier crumble). I tend to scoop up a small handful in each so it is resting on my 4 fingers then smear the thumb from little finger forward, like you are doing the classic and popular capitalism gesture "rubbing money" but with both hands. Do this a lot until your fingers ache with lactic acid buildup. By the end you should have a flakey-bredcrubish mix.

4. Add your sugar (remember the ratio, if you have used 12 ounces of flour you want 4 ounces of sugar.) mix it all together with a wooden spoon. if you are adding rolled oats add them at this stage (if you removed 1oz of flour, add 1oz of oats obviously)

5. Tip the crumble mix on top of the fruit, making sure to cover it completely. if you find you dont have enough mix, you can always make a bit more (scalable!) If you are advanced you can put flaked nuts on top at this stage, along with some nutmeg, allspice or whatever

6. Shove the whole thing in a fan oven at around 190C for about 40 minutes depending on size and depth of fruit

7. Enjoy with custard, ice cream, cream, yogurt whatever you might have

edit: in case there is confusion when I say margarine/marge I mean uk-style hard baking margarine, rather than soft spreads. This is oil based but often has some buttermilk added in the UK so its not vegan - always check the label.

Edited by tears ()

Lentil soup
This recipe is 6 servings, but you can very easily double (likely even triple) it, as long as you have a pot large enough

- a little (olive) oil
- 1 onion, chopped
- 2-4 cloves garlic, chopped
- 1.5 cup red lentils
- 0.5 tomato, chopped + crushed, or a tiny (~156ml) can of tomato paste
- 6 cups stock (i use vegetable, but any should work), you can probably go up to 8 if you want it lighter / need to stretch it
- whatever spices you feel like using, i like paprika, turmeric, thyme, black pepper
- (optional) chipotle pepper hot sauce (to taste) (secret ingredient)
- (optional) 1 lemon to squeeze into it / some lemon juice

1. in a pot, fry the onions and garlic in the oil while stirring for 3 min
2. add the spices and tomato, stir them around and let the flavour release for a minute. if you're using a fresh tomato, let it cook down a little
3. add the lentils then the stock (and the chipotle sauce trust me)
4. cover the pot and let it boil, then turn the heat down and let it simmer for ~45 min, stirring occasionally. it's done when the lentils have split and there's no clear separation between the water and solids
5. blend it up, an immersion blender works great or you can transfer parts to a food processor / blender
6. squeeze a lemon in / add concentrated lemon juice

- vegan as long as you don't use meat stock.
- you can be very flexible with the ingredients and their ratios
- you don't need to soak the lentils.
- if the stock you're using is already salty you shouldn't need to add salt.
- the soup keeps for around 5 days in the fridge, maybe longer. it freezes really well too.
- in a pressure cooker: 15 min at high pressure then quick release
Ice Water - Vegan, Paleo, Low-Budget

This recipe is:

Large Cup OR Small Cup
Water Supply
Ice Tray OR Plastic Bag*

Add water from Water Supply (10-10000 grams) to Ice Tray or Plastic Bag*
Place in Freezer until Rock Solid Ice
Take Ice out of Ice Tray
*If using Plastic Bag, peel off plastic from Ice
Place Ice in Large or Small Cup
Fill until Full

Ignore spillage, ice size, ice shape, and other irrelevant steps you may come across online.
Hack: eat ice after water is gone OR refill over remaining Ice OR Microwave for 2 minutes to have Warm Water,


toyot posted:


result (instant yeast version - boules not baguettes):

yeast hack: sometimes you have old, expired instant yeast lying around and you are worried that it wont work, - you can treat it like fully dried yeast in an attempt to revive it - whisk it in tepid water with some sugar dissolved and leave it somewhere warm-ish to come back to life - you know its working if bubbles are forming. If it doesn't, throw it away maybe idk. this will probably not work with the weeklong bread since by doing this you've slammed you palm meme style on the button labeled yeast ignition at the beginning
sudanese vegetable dish - vegan - simple

roast as many root vegetables, onions, garlic, tofu/tempeh, and peppers as you want in olive oil, paprika, salt, and pepper at 475* for 45 minutes

while vegetables roast, add olive oil, 1 can of coconut milk, 1 can of diced/crushed/whole tomatoes, 1 cup of water, and 2 cups of peanut butter to a sauce pan. add salt, garlic, dried chili, white pepper, and coriander powder. simmer on low for at least twenty-five minutes, stirring regularly. sauce should reduce and thicken.

remove vegetables, put on a plate, dress with sauce. eat with bread or grains.
that sounds good but 2 cups is really a lot of peanut butter
v similar to malian/'west sudanese' dish tigadegena. it's a lot of peanut butter, but that's fitting for "ground nut stew". best to use plain old peanut butter ie the sort that is just peanuts without substituted oils or sugar added

lo posted:

that sounds good but 2 cups is really a lot of peanut butter

it's a lot but we're cooking for community here and the sauce is strong so it spreads out over a few days

Extremely Authentic Borscht

One (1:) biggest pot you can find
One (1:) lots of beets, including their greens. if you somehow have beets without greens phone a scientist because that shouldn't be possible
One (1:) plenty of cabbage
One (1:) all of your fresh dill. frozen from fresh is acceptable in the winter. if you only got dried dill you have to starve, i don't make the rules. you can substitute chives but this runs the risk of my grandma breaking your kneecaps. she's not very fast these days but she will find you
One (1:) like a couple onions and probably an entire bulb of garlic or two
One (1:) whatever else you have on hand, carrots, potato, leek, kohlrabi, beans, tomato, peas, fennel, leafy greens that aren't lettuce, mushrooms, peppers, squash, the possibilities are unlimited
One (1:) some oil and some aromatics of your choice like bay leaf, peppercorns, cinnamon, star anise, clove, allspice. whole only please (powders are revisionist.) bundle them in a cheesecloth sachet so you don't have to fish them out
One(1:) enough stock to cover. leftover water from boiling potatoes/veg/noodles, steamed veggie drippings etc all count as stock. if you run out of stock you have fucked up but can do the rest with plain water.
One(1:) splash(es) of vinegar to taste

for the soon to be culled non-vegans: sour cream or yogurt (on the side) and beef (in the soup) are nice


make soup

pictured: roughly one and a half cubic feet of borscht. a small batch
cooking and eating beets just pulled from the ground is an amazing experience everyone should have at least once
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shriekingviolet posted:

grindcore album cover

i'm the moon orbiting planet grindcore
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fuck it

nothing makes sense anymore. purple mashed potatoes. why not. make sure to reserve your potato water for stock

of course the potato water is green. it was neon blue while you were boiling them, so why wouldn't it be deep green now

reality is dissolving. truth crawls back in her well because what's the point. in your folly, you thought you could understand. but look: green water purple potatoes. this is the world we live in. abandon the hubris of knowledge.
just in time for Halloween
vegan barbecue lentils - extremely delicious, extremely cheap, extremely extreme

1lb lentils (i use french green because they retain shape)
1qt vegetable stock
10oz tomato paste
liquid smoke (lol but good)
dijon mustard
chili powder
hot sauce
brown sugar
bay leaves


phase one
1. heat large pot on medium-low with oil
2. add onions cook until they brown up
3. add 1/2 cup water, cook down until basically gone
4. add lentils+2 bay leaves, allow to cook a bit without water
5. add water to lentils until they are covered with about an inch of water
6. crack lid and cook until soft on low heat

phase two
1. lentils should be basically dry
2. add all of the other ingredients to taste
(i do 1/2 cup brown sugar, 3 tablespoons liquid smoke, 3 tablespoons dijon, a lot of black pepper, cinnamon chili and cayenne, sometimes soy sauce instead of salt, and 10oz tomato paste) - you can't mess it up, just go with what you like and add accordingly. too spicy, add sugar, too sweet add spice. don't forget vegetable stock
3. turn on very low heat, stirring regularly so that nothing burns at the bottom, for minimum 30 mins up to 2+ hours (if cooking more slowly, add liquid periodically).

eat on rolls or cornbread

making this now extremely hungover
No-knead easy as hell boule recipe: makes four large or six small loaves
1. Add one packet of active dry yeast to 3.5 cups of warm water, set aside until active
2. Add 6.5 cups of all-purpose flour (I use King Arthur which has 11.7% protein content) to a large bowl
3. Add all water and yeast mixture at once
4. Stir slowly to incorporate the mixture until it’s a moist ball that forms to the bottom of the bowl
5. Cover with a towel and let rest for 2 hours
6. After 2 hours, slowly pull two grapefruit-sized pieces from the dough and cut off with kitchen shears
7. Do not knead! Dust your hands and take one of the pieces, stretch it out, fold the bottom over the top (so-called gluten cloaking) and gently shape into a ball (size of a softball).
8. Gently place doughball onto parchment paper, let sit for 75-90 minutes
9. Preheat oven to 450* with a stone/baking sheet inside
10. Lightly dust the surface of the doughball with flour
11. With a serrated bread knife, slash four lines across the surface of the doughball. Slashes should be c. ½” deep.
12. Transfer to oven, but keep doughball on parchment paper. Do not be underwhelmed by the rise. If you’ve followed the steps, it will rise nicely in the oven.
13. Spray or toss about 2 cups of cool water to the back/bottom of the oven, close door immediately
14. Wait 20 minutes
15. Open oven, boules should be able to easily slide off parchment paper and directly onto the stone/bake pan. If not, give it a few more minutes. When they can slide off, do so.
16. Allow to bake until you reach desired crust color. I like darker, crisp crust but suit yourself.
17. With remaining dough, transfer to a lidded dish (glass or plastic) and keep in the refrigerator for 14 days. Like toyot’s recipe, the longer it sits in the fridge, the better it gets. At next bake, allow dough to reach room temperature before completing steps 7-16.
My result (first time trying this adapted recipe, so the ease of this should speak for itself):

Edited by liceo ()

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Vegetarian "toad-in-the-hole"

Baking tray with sides
Chopping board

Squash/pumpkin/marrow/gourds/anything "squash-like"
Red onions
Veg oil
Old bread that you forgot about that has gone stale
Flavorsome Seeds (fennel/fenugreek/coriander/cumin/poppy/mustard/whatever tastes good to you)
Flavorsome leaves (Sage/rosemary/thyme/marjoram/chervil/whatever tastes good to you)
Gravy powder
Pancake batter (Flour, eggs, milk) or vegan equivalent

1. Chop up whatever squash you are using into inch chunks. Chop up the red onion into wedges. Put it all in your baking tray until it looks a bit too full.
2. Mix in your tasty seeds. A standard roasting tray full of veg should have around 1 tablespoon of seeds in whatever mix you want. Add veg oil - I use 1-2 tablespoons for a full baking tray depending on the size of your tray. Add salt
3. Roast until tasty (45mins-1 hour)
4. meanwhile, make your pancake mix and add in your diced tasty leaves, then put it to chill
5. When your veg is almost ready take out about anywhere between 10 and 20% and put it on your chopping board. Mix your old nasty bread and another tablespoon of oil into the tray and put it back in the oven, crank it up to like 230 centigrade.
6. 10 minutes later take it back out and the oil should be really hot, pour your pancake mix all over the vegetables and bread and quickly put it back, right at the very top of your oven.
7. Cook at high heat for 20-30 minutes. Do not open oven.
8. Meanwhile dice the veg you removed and dump it in a pan, mix your gravy powder with some cold water, and add that too, add some beer, simmer the whole lot until your toad-in-the-hole is ready (brown on top), cut into slices, plate, pour over the gravy and eat.

Recommended to eat with fried greens, saute'd greens, glazed greens, boiled greens, steamed greens, whatever, something green.

Edited by tears ()

all of this is simply too advanced for me

second_axiom posted:

all of this is simply too advanced for me

i'd give you a hand if i wasn't a thousand miles away (not very helpful sorry). hmu if you have any food prep questions no matter how big or small.

the nationalized taco bell dream is real and subsidized double filet o fish meals are going to be a reality for me https://www.wifr.com/content/news/New-law-allows-people-to-use-SNAP-benefits-for-fast-food-in-Illinois-513094221.html
Well that’s one way to subsidize the restaurant industry
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toyot posted:

- 4lbs or 2kg roma tomatoes



chickeon posted:

toyot posted:

- 4lbs or 2kg roma tomatoes


it's actually six ways

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just specify the number of tomatoes without clarifying what variety. red sauce every way
specify the colour without clarifying the ingredients


- 4lbs or 2kg red
- 1T red paste (optional)