Portlandia is fucking atrocious also, yet another unforgivable crime of the Armisen family.

apparently the opposition has ditched guaido
in the grim darkness of 2020, at least we have stubble boy juan guaido in a clownsuit being thrown off the fence around the Venezuelan parliament


Brazil’s right-wing government helped support military attacks on Venezuela in hopes of inciting a coup and violently overthrowing the country’s leftist government.

This plan was revealed by a major pro-government newspaper in Brazil. Oddly, the shocking story was not covered by any mainstream paper in the US or Europe.

Outside a lone report by Venezuela’s state-backed teleSUR — which US-backed coup plotters are now trying to usurp – the story was completely ignored in Anglophone media.


This is is folks, the big play, here's the hail Mary to the big man
Sanders' foreign policy advisor

And chaser:

Edited by c_man ()


c_man posted:

Sanders' foreign policy advisor

And chaser:

Nobody gets within barking distance of the Head Hitler In Charge throne without the agency getting its claws in somehow.

the clown prince returns and is appropriately honored by the people

this thread, unstuck
[account deactivated]
fuck to mike pompeo, marco rubio, and the united $nakkkes terror state
i am clinically calm, and forever chill, throughout pandemics and personal struggles, i never even raise my voice, it is almost as if i were dead inside, and yet, this stuff makes my blood fucking boil
This is the same bullshit they used as a pretext to get Noriega. Only difference is he actually was a narco-terrorist funded and abetted by the CIA for years.
2 things YOU can do to prepare these forums for the perfect post:

1) petition dr cat to establish the :umaduro: emoji on these forums
2) personally infect pomeo with his beloved "wuhan virus"
delegations that go to venezuela bring back a consistent message with two main points: build the anti-imperialist movement in the us and build the movement against sanctions. in pretty much every major city, there's people and groups organizing around those points.

this isnt a fight we are going to win in 1 month, 1 year, or 1 decade, but weakening the empire and attacking it on these fronts is doable.
the movement against sanctions, anecdotally, appears to be on the rise, which i find a very hopeful development. sanctions have been front of mind for me since my dprk trip (which i promise to maybe finish posting about some day) - the people there face some serious and devastating challenges, all of which are wrought by the evil of sanctions
Flying horse in DPRK

In addition to the indictments, Attorney General William Barr offered a $15 million reward for information leading to the arrest or conviction of Maduro, as well as $10 million rewards for Diosdado Cabello (president of Venezuela’s National Constituent Assembly), Tarek El Aissami (vice president for the economy), Hugo Carvajal (former director of military intelligence) and Cliver Alcalá (retired general).

The indictment has backfired already. Hours after the announcement, Alcalá posted videos online that threaten to cause further splits in the opposition and exposed a violent plot that could result in the arrest of Juan Guaidó.

Venezuelan Prosecutor's Office is already investigating Guaido and Alcala. That little rat is finally going to prison.
I look forward to a last helicopter rescue by the snakes.
US Imperialism going for a new strategy it seems, Guaido has proven himself time and time again to be more idiotic than useful. So now they're trying to cut a 'deal' with Maduro, the person they just indicted for narcoterrorism, and a heavily lopsided one at that. https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/the_americas/us-proposes-transitional-government-for-venezuela-without-maduro-or-guaido/2020/03/31/8642a99a-7352-11ea-ad9b-254ec99993bc_story.html
Seems like a fair deal. Screenshot is from a Politico article on it, WAPO left this part out for some reason.
[account deactivated]
Ex-Green Beret led failed attempt to oust Venezuela’s Maduro

MIAMI (AP) — The plan was simple, but perilous. Some 300 heavily armed volunteers would sneak into Venezuela from the northern tip of South America. Along the way, they would raid military bases in the socialist country and ignite a popular rebellion that would end in President Nicolás Maduro’s arrest.

What could go wrong? As it turns out, pretty much everything.

The ringleader of the plot is now jailed in the U.S. on narcotics charges. Authorities in the U.S. and Colombia are asking questions about the role of his muscular American adviser, a former Green Beret. And dozens of desperate combatants who flocked to secret training camps in Colombia said they have been left to fend for themselves amid the coronavirus pandemic.

The failed attempt to start an uprising collapsed under the collective weight of skimpy planning, feuding among opposition politicians and a poorly trained force that stood little chance of beating the Venezuelan military.

“You’re not going to take out Maduro with 300 hungry, untrained men,” said Ephraim Mattos, a former U.S. Navy SEAL who trained some of the would-be combatants in first aid.


Planning for the incursion began after an April 30, 2019, barracks revolt by a cadre of soldiers who swore loyalty to Maduro’s would-be replacement, Juan Guaidó, the opposition leader recognized by the U.S. and some 60 other nations as Venezuela’s rightful leader. Contrary to U.S. expectations at the time, key Maduro aides never joined with the opposition and the government quickly quashed the uprising.

A few weeks later, some soldiers and politicians involved in the failed rebellion retreated to the JW Marriott in Bogota, Colombia. The hotel was a center of intrigue among Venezuelan exiles. For this occasion, conference rooms were reserved for what one participant described as the “Star Wars summit of anti-Maduro goofballs” — military deserters accused of drug trafficking, shady financiers and former Maduro officials seeking redemption.

Among those angling in the open lobby was Jordan Goudreau, an American citizen and three-time Bronze Star recipient for bravery in Iraq and Afghanistan, where he served as a medic in U.S. Army special forces, according to five people who met with the former soldier.

Those he interacted with in the U.S. and Colombia described him in interviews alternately as a freedom-loving patriot, a mercenary and a gifted warrior scarred by battle and in way over his head.

Two former special forces colleagues said Goudreau was always at the top of his class: a cell leader with a superb intellect for handling sources, an amazing shot and a devoted mixed martial arts fighter who still cut his hair high and tight.

At the end of an otherwise distinguished military career, the Canadian-born Goudreau was investigated in 2013 for allegedly defrauding the Army of $62,000 in housing stipends. Goudreau said the investigation was closed with no charges.

After retiring in 2016, he worked as a private security contractor in Puerto Rico following Hurricane Maria. In 2018, he set up Silvercorp USA, a private security firm, near his home on Florida’s Space Coast to embed counter-terror agents in schools disguised as teachers. The company’s website features photos and videos of Goudreau firing machine guns in battle, running shirtless up a pyramid, flying on a private jet and sporting a military backpack with a rolled-up American flag.

Silvercorp’s website touts operations in more than 50 countries, with an advisory team made up of former diplomats, experienced military strategists and heads of multinational corporations -- none of them named. It claims to have “led international security teams” for the president of the United States.

Goudreau, 43, declined to be interviewed. In a written statement, he said that “Silvercorp cannot disclose the identities of its network of sources, assets and advisors due to the nature of our work” and, more generally, “would never confirm nor deny any activities in any operational realm. No inference should be drawn from this response.”


Goudreau’s focus on Venezuela started in February 2019, when he worked security at a concert in support of Guaidó organized by British billionaire Richard Branson on the Venezuelan-Colombian border.

“Controlling chaos on the Venezuela border where a dictator looks on with apprehension,” he wrote in a photo of himself on the concert stage posted to his Instagram account.

“He was always chasing the golden BB,” said Drew White, a former business partner at Silvercorp, using military slang for a one-in-a-million shot. White said he broke with his former special forces comrade last fall when Goudreau asked for help raising money to fund his regime change initiative.

“As supportive as you want to be as a friend, his head wasn’t in the world of reality,” said White. “Nothing he said lined up.”

According to White, Goudreau came back from the concert looking to capitalize on the Trump administration’s growing interest in toppling Maduro.

He had been introduced to Keith Schiller, President Donald Trump’s longtime bodyguard, through someone who worked in private security. Schiller attended a March 2019 event at the University Club in Washington for potential donors with activist Lester Toledo, then Guaidó’s coordinator for the delivery of humanitarian aid.

Last May, Goudreau accompanied Schiller to a meeting in Miami with representatives of Guaidó. There was a lively discussion with Schiller about the need to beef up security for Guaidó and his growing team of advisers inside Venezuela and across the world, according to a person familiar with the meeting. Schiller thought Goudreau was naive and in over his head. He cut off all contact following the meeting, said a person close to the former White House official.

In Bogota, it was Toledo who introduced Goudreau to a rebellious former Venezuelan military officer the American would come to trust above all others — Cliver Alcalá, ringleader of the Venezuelan military deserters.

Alcalá, a retired major general in Venezuela’s army, seemed an unlikely hero to restore democracy to his homeland. In 2011, he was sanctioned by the U.S. for allegedly supplying FARC guerrillas in Colombia with surface-to-air missiles in exchange for cocaine. And last month, Alcalá was indicted by U.S. prosecutors alongside Maduro as one of the architects of a narcoterrorist conspiracy that allegedly sent 250 metric tons of cocaine every year to the U.S.

Alcalá is now in federal custody in New York awaiting trial. But before his surrender in Colombia, where he had been living since 2018, he had emerged as a forceful opponent of Maduro, not shy about urging military force.

Over two days of meetings with Goudreau and Toledo at the JW Marriott, Alcalá explained how he had selected 300 combatants from among the throngs of low-ranking soldiers who abandoned Maduro and fled to Colombia in the early days of Guaidó’s uprising, said three people who participated in the meeting and insisted on anonymity to discuss sensitive conversations.

Alcalá said several dozen men were already living in three camps he maintained in and around the desert-like La Guajira peninsula that Colombia shares with Venezuela, the three said. Among the combatants in the camps was an exiled national guardsman accused of participating in a 2018 drone attack on Maduro.

Goudreau told Alcalá his company could prepare the men for battle, according to the three sources. The two sides discussed weapons and equipment for the volunteer army, with Goudreau estimating a budget of around $1.5 million for a rapid strike operation.

Goudreau told participants at the meeting that he had high-level contacts in the Trump administration who could assist the effort, although he offered few details, the three people said. Over time, many of the people involved in the plan to overthrow Maduro would come to doubt his word.


It’s unclear where Alcalá and Goudreau got their backing, and whatever money was collected for the initiative appears to have been meager. One person who allegedly promised support was Roen Kraft, an eccentric descendant of the cheese-making family who — along with former Trump bodyguard Schiller — was among those meeting with opposition envoys in Miami and Washington.

At some point, Kraft started raising money among his own circle of fellow trust-fund friends for what he described as a “private coup” to be carried out by Silvercorp, according to two businessmen whom he asked for money.

Kraft allegedly lured prospective donors with the promise of preferential access to negotiate deals in the energy and mining sectors with an eventual Guaidó government, said one of the businessmen. He provided AP a two-page, unsigned draft memorandum for a six-figure commitment he said was sent by Kraft in October in which he represents himself as the “prime contractor” of Venezuela.


The plot quickly crumbled in early March when one of the volunteer combatants was arrested after sneaking across the border into Venezuela from Colombia.

Shortly after, Colombian police stopped a truck transporting a cache of brand new weapons and tactical equipment worth around $150,000, including spotting scopes, night vision goggles, two-way radios and 26 American-made assault rifles with the serial numbers rubbed off. Fifteen brown-colored helmets were manufactured by High-End Defense Solutions, a Miami-based military equipment vendor owned by a Venezuelan immigrant family.

High-End Defense Solutions is the same company that Goudreau visited in November and December, allegedly to source weapons, according to two former Venezuelan soldiers who claim to have helped the American select the gear but later had a bitter falling out with Goudreau amid accusations that they were moles for Maduro.


Alcalá claimed ownership of the weapons shortly before surrendering to face the U.S. drug charges, saying they belonged to the “Venezuelan people.” He also lashed out against Guaidó, accusing him of betraying a contract signed between his “American advisers” and J.J. Rendon, a political strategist in Miami appointed by Guaidó to help force Maduro from power.

“We had everything ready,” lamented Alcalá in a video published on social media. “But circumstances that have plagued us throughout this fight against the regime generated leaks from the very heart of the opposition, the part that wants to coexist with Maduro.”


In the aftermath of Alcalá’s arrest, the would-be insurrection appears to have disbanded. As the coronavirus spreads, several of the remaining combatants have fled the camps and fanned out across Colombia, reconnecting with loved ones and figuring out their next steps. Most are broke, facing investigation by Colombian police and frustrated with Goudreau, whom they blame for leading them astray.

Meanwhile, the socialist leadership in Caracas couldn’t help but gloat.

Diosdado Cabello, the No. 2 most powerful person in the country and eminence grise of Venezuela’s vast intelligence network, insisted that the government had infiltrated the plot for months.

“We knew everything,” said Cabello. “Some of their meetings we had to pay for. That’s how infiltrated they were.”

Edited by trakfactri ()

i'm glad the first article mentioned coronavirus so we don't mistakenly think the article was from last year
that's a really elaborate cover story lol
I know who did the coup

More info showing how the mercs leeroy jenkins'd their way into VZ via speedboat and got owned IRL


kinch posted:

that's a really elaborate cover story lol

Edited by trakfactri ()

I sign all my contracts to carry out a military operation with a picure of a little owl since I never learned cursive
as a "lawyer" this is the first time i am curious about the contents of a contract lol

LINUS: Wait, wait, wait. A Bay of Pigs?
DANNY: It's not a Bay of Pigs.
RUSTY: It's a Bay of Pigs and you'll never pull it off.
LINUS: We—we don't have enough for a Bay of Pigs.
RUSTY: Doesn't matter, it's a Bay of Pigs. Can't be done.
DANNY: It's a Bay of Pigs, with a twist.
Maduro then presses stop on the SEBIN intercept of Danny flogging his merc PowerPoint presentation, then switches over to some old Bay of Pigs footage and begins popcorn snacking
reuters: Venezuela detains U.S. citizens allegedly involved in incursion

just two lackeys though, supposedly caught while their boat of mercenaries sat adrift in the caribbean because they ran out of fucking gas

The U.S. government “should engage and try to get these guys back,” Goudreau said. “They are Americans. They are ex-Green Berets. Come on.”

Edited by zhaoyao ()

they tried to do bay of pigs but worthless reactionaries don't have any courage or redeeming values to fight for and easily failed.
Venezuela ftw. maduro ftw. benezuela is crushing it, they are inspiring.

cars posted:

LINUS: Wait, wait, wait. A Bay of Pigs?
DANNY: It's not a Bay of Pigs.
RUSTY: It's a Bay of Pigs and you'll never pull it off.
LINUS: We—we don't have enough for a Bay of Pigs.
RUSTY: Doesn't matter, it's a Bay of Pigs. Can't be done.
DANNY: It's a Bay of Pigs, with a twist.

rhizzone txt twitter should post this imo