#1
I'm doing my end of year retrospective where I pirate all the movies that got released over the year, then watch them mostly at fast speed or skipping the boring parts. One of these movies hit me with a closeup of a child's severed head with ants eating it. Then the next one showed me two different people with their faces ripped off. Then the next one had a hyper realistic shot of a guy crushing another guy's skull in his hands and his eyeball pops out. Now I'm watching Sense and Sensibility (1995) and cackling at Mrs Jenning's outrageous loose tongue, hoping she is not about to be pinned in front of a semi truck and smeared down the on-ramp for absolutely no reason. Hey movie directors: what is going on?! I mean, seriously?? Knock it off already!!
#2
People keep asking for “dark and gritty” cus it is for le intellectuals.
#3
theyre badass
#4
there's a really good scene in Friday The 13th Part 3 (3D) where jason crushes some guys skull and his eyeball pops out towards the screen lol
#5
#6

swampman posted:

One of these movies hit me with a closeup of a child's severed head with ants eating it.


In retrospect, the unnecessary duration of that shot was a big red flag that the ending was going to be really dumb and terrible.

#7
What movie was that
#8
watching movies is for nerds
#9

dimashq posted:

What movie was that


Why? Because you intend to seek out pictures of mutilated children?

#10
chiming in to say, i also want to watch the decapitated child movie
#11
chiming in to say, i also want to watch the decapitated child movie
#12

swampman posted:

dimashq posted:

What movie was that

Why? Because you intend to seek out pictures of mutilated children?


#13

dimashq posted:

What movie was that


Paddington 2.

#14

swampman posted:

dimashq posted:

What movie was that

Why? Because you intend to seek out pictures of mutilated children?



to put it on the front page of the rhizzone

#15
For once I'd like to download a movie called something like "Evisceration Road 2: Blood to the Bone" and discover its about how scientists are declaring that the joy derived from sharing your food with a hungry person is now the official SI unit of human happiness
#16
My picks for good movies of 2018
- A Simple Favor (2018)
- Loving Vincent (2017)
- Unsane (2018)
and that's it. the rest of them sucked royal ass.
#17
my picks for good movies of 2018:

#18
i didn't watch any movies in 2018
#19
Great thanks for your question or comment
#20
o wait i saw sorry to bother you. good movie. best movie i saw all year
#21

swampman posted:

My picks for good movies of 2018
- Loving Vincent (2017)



downvoted for historical inaccuracy

#22
edit: damnn im like 2 weeks late on a joke... ahh shit, ah hell

Edited by ilmdge ()

#23
'most damp surfaces' and 'most face-touching' 2018 oscars will for the fifth year running, go to 'hard to be a god'
#24

toyotathon posted:

'most damp surfaces' and 'most face-touching' 2018 oscars will for the fifth year running, go to 'hard to be a god'


that movie is incredibly cool

#25
movies are terrible aren't they, especially violent Ones
#26
Robocop is the best movie of all time, sorry for you're loss OP
#27
Fuck you alien and aliens are masterpieces.
#28

Populares posted:

Fuck you alien and aliens are masterpieces.


Alien is better than Aliens.

#29
These movies are kind of goofy... I mean, aliens aren't real..
#30
what's goofy, is that walmart bought out weyland-yutani. and that rod blagojevich was ripley's lawyer
#31
I remember turning the tv on once as a kid and like resident evil or something was on and after the first 10 seconds bkth my dad and uncle were like "why the fuck do americans love violence so much"
#32
#33
in high school i actually threw up on a beige carpet while watching the first few minutes of saw 3, took the dvd out and broke it in half. it was a rental from blockbuster which soon went out of business for good. i scattered the remains of the movie in the abandoned parking lot. the movie made me do it
#34
I think a good example of what I'm talking about is Wolf Hall. It's a show about average British people falling in and out of friendship and love, and the difficulty of raising children under (I presume?) Theresa May's government. Then suddenly at the end of episode six, bamn, there's Adam Driver cutting off Anne Boleyn's head for some reason. Totally gratuitous and not how normal people solve their problems.
#35

swampman posted:

Then suddenly at the end of episode six, bamn, there's Adam Driver cutting off Anne Boleyn's head for some reason. Totally gratuitous and not how normal people solve their problems.


I don't know what this show is but you better not be talking shit about our good friend Louisette, who has shown you can solve a lot of problems by cutting people's heads off.

#36
Thanks for sucking the holy joy from out my comical film review. No, you doofus, they chopped Boleyn with a epee. Driver ressemblait à Conflit de Nuage avec Dernier fantaisie sept
#37
My review of both Venom (2018) and Upgrade (2018)
#38

shriekingviolet posted:

Alien is better than Aliens.



That's true. But in defense of Aliens, in the category of blatant un-credited scene-for-scene rip-offs of someone else's movie, it's one of the best ever made

#39
if you're wondering how many threads I can resurrect to say James Cameron stole Aliens from Gordon Douglas and hoped no one would notice, the answer is, more than I have so far.
#40

swampman posted:

My review of both Venom (2018)



It's interesting to me how that movie arrived at that bad way of telling a story through the most needlessly complicated way possible. That movie has an ever-present voice-over always talking with the main character because the movie is adapted from a semi-parody of a much older story, one that was written for young adolescents and covered for its own hero talking to himself all the time by making him a guilt-ridden neurotic worrying over a busy love life.

And that guy talked to himself all the time because it was necessary to help a young audience follow a serial-fiction story that was plotted and drawn before it was scripted, and since the guy scripting it had set up his job and the company so he rarely had to talk to the writer-artist, a story about a solo character could end up incoherent on the page, because a hero without teammates had no excuse to explain what was happening to the kids at home. The hero of that story had to keep telling himself and the reader where he was and what he was doing, and it didn't help that the original artist quickly decided he hated the guy writing the script, who was also his boss and stole everyone's work at the company.

So that movie got to voice-over narration because it had become essential to the elevator pitch that sold the movie, there was no movie without it, and the movie had to exist eventually through the polyp-like growth of exploitable properties traded around Hollywood. It took a precise combination of historical events to make something mundane and ugly happen, like hiking the Appalachian Trail to find a place to shit. It's a pure unadulterated glimpse into where superhero movies have led popular cinema and it should probably be destroyed but I liked the part where Tom Hardy climbed into the lobster tank at the restaurant.