#1
I'll start: N/A
#2
joke replies
#3
#4
#5
I bombed out of getting a stable job with a local org I liked a little while back, played the politics wrong. While I'm looking for another opportunity, I do consults and facilitation for various activist organizations, often in times of crisis but sometimes just to tune up internal structures.

My typical workflow for these kinds of gigs goes like this: 1) get begrudgingly called in once everything's already gone to shit, 2) solve the problem, 3) get told by the organization that they value my help very much, 4) they forget to pay me, elect new leadership, hire new staff, switch to new accounting software, move offices, and forget they ever contracted me in the first place.

Depending on your perspective, my rates are either very reasonable or so low it's almost as if you're literally stealing from me!!
#6
i used to sit in windowless rooms with the operators of plastics plants, pesticide plants, and pharmaceutical plants, brainstorming the means by which they'd make an odd number of commutes. a few years of that, a few times almost dying myself, and the plants started to look like great metallic beasts with invisible mouths that would cover their prey in digestive fluids before consumption. anyway now i'm a communist.
#7
now im cia paranoid and i delete my thing

Edited by roseweird ()

#8
hello i am an engineering person as well (who isn't). till i was looking for more stable jobs (end of last year), the streams in the industry were (in increasing order of pay) - maintenance, manufacturing, R&D, sales. the problem is nothing less than the best will satisfy my folks so really the only option is to - like the rest of my batchmates - get into sales and than management degree and then read harvard business review leadership articles... let's say i am not very temperamentally inclined towards it. my daddy, the hustler, always used to say why sell anything but what sells itself. since then, i've only always invested in and sold drugs.
anyway, all industries hollowed out the R&D part to startups and now really the absolute worst job on this planet is to do sales for startups that mangle/bloat their products and don't even understand what they are selling. now i do some freelance shit (editing/translation. don't tell them about updates in google translate yet) and my folks think i am a coward and a slacker who wastes his life... so yeah guys, i am a plant. you got me. happy? now piss on me like anthony hopkins playing mad kiwi burt munro and make me grow dammit.
#9
fbi agent
#10
can you imagine being the agent assigned to monitor and report out on this place, one day realizing that it's because management doesn't think highly of you or your abilities and figure you'd fit in fine on a forum of rejects and dilettantes
#11
I was told this was a very important assignment to monitor a communist extremism hotbed, but after seeing the Trump endorsement I'm not so sure. I'm even starting to question whether fail aids is a biological weapon like it said in my briefing or if it's actually funny and acceptable.
#12
Any cops reading this, a good way to "fit in" around here is to upvote all my posts, making me appear more popular
#13
oops
#14

toyotathon posted:

can you imagine being the agent assigned to monitor and report out on this place, one day realizing that it's because management doesn't think highly of you or your abilities and figure you'd fit in fine on a forum of rejects and dilettantes


I am NOT a dilettante!

#15
i'm more of a flaneur
#16
i'm an artist, which means i am basically a CAD monkey
#17
i'm Wario and i'm a going to win.
#18
i sell propane and propane accessories
#19
but really i actually am in sales
#20
I fly to the bush in the far north of Australia and work 21 days straight for a week off at the end of my shift. It's alright i suppose.
#21
im currently assisting an absurdly wealthy finance capitalist make the environmental case against the mineral extraction proposal of the equally wealthy pseudo-aristocratic landowner capitalist next door
#22
also i'm working on my posting career
#23
Oh yeah in re: the OP: I scrub animal poop
#24

swampman posted:

Oh yeah in re: the OP: I scrub animal poop


How do you like it? I'm considering a career change into something less demeaning.

#25
i spray liquid onto ships to make things not fall off of the deck.
#26
professional ass rimmer
#27
party apparatchik OP
#28

JohnBeige posted:

i spray liquid onto ships to make things not fall off of the deck.


isn't that glue

do you spray glue onto boats

that owns

#29
i think the cia already knows everything about me, so: these days i design systems that track data for people doing dna sequencing. i could give it a very fancy title and describe it in more exciting ways but that's basically it. i also do "business" stuff related to that, which is mostly talking to people. or hiring people. or whatever.
#30
its waterproof glue basically, yeah.
#31
I already said what I do. I've become very important and powerful over the last few years. I'm going to quit soon. Everyone's a freakin creep who wants to steal my essence.
#32
my joke response, is that my job is to both suck AND fuck
#33
performing a fuck job on a smart & competent lady
#34
I'm still a lawyer, unfortunately
#35

slipdisco posted:

hello i am an engineering person as well (who isn't). till i was looking for more stable jobs (end of last year), the streams in the industry were (in increasing order of pay) - maintenance, manufacturing, R&D, sales. the problem is nothing less than the best will satisfy my folks so really the only option is to - like the rest of my batchmates - get into sales and than management degree and then read harvard business review leadership articles... let's say i am not very temperamentally inclined towards it. my daddy, the hustler, always used to say why sell anything but what sells itself. since then, i've only always invested in and sold drugs.
anyway, all industries hollowed out the R&D part to startups and now really the absolute worst job on this planet is to do sales for startups that mangle/bloat their products and don't even understand what they are selling. now i do some freelance shit (editing/translation. don't tell them about updates in google translate yet) and my folks think i am a coward and a slacker who wastes his life... so yeah guys, i am a plant. you got me. happy? now piss on me like anthony hopkins playing mad kiwi burt munro and make me grow dammit.


look you're a Marxist aint you? a job is a job even if it's engineering. Confront your parents and tell them you're not gonna take it

#36
I'm a cook. It sucks.
#37

Soviet_Salami posted:

I'm a cook. It sucks.


#38
[account deactivated]
#39

animedad posted:

a job is a job. Confront your parents and tell them you're not gonna take it



sorry for oversharing. it's a holding pattern, a stalemate of expectations that we have arrived at because 'a job' is not enough for them, its not just a job.

#40

glomper_stomper posted:

i'm fully online most if not all of the time


me too. you got me again. I'm not just A plant... I'm an AI plant.