#1
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: +++++
Hi China,
In case there is a war between the USA and China, the sizable Anglo contingent of rhizzone posters (who I represent) immediately offer our full and unconditional surrender. We have some conditions however that we would like you to meet. 1. We want to all receive commemorative medals that declare us the first enemy non-combatants to lay down our primitive arms and crawl like bugs toward Chinese mercy. They could say rhizzone.net on one side and "First Losers!" on the other. 2. We demand refugee status in China. We request that Chinese people humor us as a cute oddity. 3. We request meaningful work that, while beneficial to the nation of China, is still satisfying to adults with undiagnosed ADHD, such as sorting Magic or Pokémon cards, spackling pinholes in drywall, or renaming thousands of mp3s. 4. We would like a definitive answer to the question of whether China is communist or not. You do not have to make a public announcement but we would personally like to be told. 5. We agree to be punished in Chinese prison for bourgeois decadence for 6 months. Respectfully we request that prison involve a lot of singing and mopping in unison, no torture, and free access to less-violent videogames like Pikmin or Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay. 6. Respectfully, we request the phone number of a dependable dealer who can get us ounces of mids in the $150 range. 7. We will bring with us considerable information on the internal workings of the US culture machine. For example, pick any movie on HBO plus, and I can quickly come up with a 400 word explainer article on why the movie is harmful and disrespectful, which your airplanes can then litter onto our neighborhoods in pamphlet form. Many of us have read enough Dave McGowan articles and watched enough Alex Jones clips to be able to speak the QAnon dialect, and we would be proud to accompany your military police from suburb to suburb defusing standoffs via bullhorn. 8. We humbly and respectfully request that if you are exterminating millions of Uighur people - and I am not saying that you are - I am saying IF you are doing that - in fact, I doubt that you are, because it would be so out of character for you - so I am just asking - if I didn't ask, so many people would get on my case about why I didn't ask this - so I have to ask - IF you happen to be killing millions of people because they are Uighur, or Falun Gong for that matter, or if you are killing millions of other people that we don't even know about - could you please stop? And I am sorry, but again I had to ask that, so now we have that out of the way 9. I do not speak Chinese. It seems like a very hard language to learn. It would be helpful if I could please get a supply of dry erase markers and a little board so I can draw pictures of whatever Chinese snacks I discover I like so I can still go use the Chinese bodega, even if I will never be able to meaningfully interact with my many new acquaintances and neighbors, wherever you decide to place me. 10. Please make sure and splatter the American dude who pushed me backward over his kneeled down friend at the 7th grade dance that I DJ'ed to resounding disapproval. Make his legs fly off and his top half sails away like a loose balloon in a strong wind and lands on a pizza hut. Thank you China! I'm sure that my fellow posters will have their own requests and offerings to add below.
Sinceierly,
swampman
#2
Post rating: +

swampman posted:

spackling pinholes in drywall, or renaming thousands of mp3s


how to disable webcam. Hhow to stop spying online

#3
Post rating: +
I would like to offer up a machine I've developed to help China vet potential turncoats and ferret out potential saboteurs in the event of an occupation of the North Amerikan continent. Known as Fingr™, the device scans the hands of Amerikans to detect for roughness and other evidence of having done real, hard, honest labor. The machine automatically flags those people as potential insurgents. Those who have smooth hands -- pointy-headed intellectuals, journalists and internet posters among others -- are however fast-tracked for vetting into the lower- and mid-level ranks of the provisional government's civil service. This is based on a scientific analysis that such twinkletoes are more easily bribed and willing to betray their country. For a trial demonstration, I would like to offer up my own hands which, as you can see, are both smooth and moisturized.
#4
Post rating: +++++
I agree to all of this with the amendment that i don't actually care if the PRC are kidnapping falun gong members to steal their kidneys or whatever
#5
[account deactivated]
#6
[account deactivated]
#7
Post rating: ~
please give me peacock blue huawei p30 phone. tried to order from amazon and they suspended my account.
#8
UNUSUALY COOL
Post rating: +
Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay is a particularly violent video game. I'm finding more and more flaws in your post terry.
#9
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: +

cars posted:

Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay is a particularly violent video game. I'm finding more and more flaws in your post terry.


The things I have done in Pikmin make the Asiatic Vespers look like "Fatman Eats a Pizza and Drinks Reglur Soda in HD part 1." I said less-violent. I also didn't know that one is now a large enough number to be classified as "more and more." I suppose that haters will use any means available to hate, even the grammatically perverse.

#10
Post rating: ~
Can tetris be added to the list of games we can play?
#11
Dont Mess With Sucess
Post rating: +

Populares posted:

Can tetris be added to the list of games we can play?


We can ask about this but I caution you not to let your requests get carried away into the realm of the fantastical, even as a negotiating tactic.

#12
Post rating: ~
I would like to request Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena. Thank you
#13
UNUSUALY COOL
Post rating: +

swampman posted:

The things I have done in Pikmin make the Asiatic Vespers look like "Fatman Eats a Pizza and Drinks Reglur Soda in HD part 1." I said less-violent. I also didn't know that one is now a large enough number to be classified as "more and more." I suppose that haters will use any means available to hate, even the grammatically perverse.



#14
lies half the time
Post rating: ~
is there somewhere i can mail printouts of the china threads with the bad posts highlighted or should i hold onto them until a local commissary office opens up
#15
Post rating: +
Attn China, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom

Edited by 88888 ()

#16
Post rating: ~

88888 posted:

Attn China, I wrote you but still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom


#17
Post rating: +
hello president xi, i will say. i have prepared spaghetti and garlic bread, may i take your coat?
#18
mt.real
Post rating: +
Hello China,
I would like to volunteer to be the steamed bun taster for the rhizzone regiment / prisoners committee. I think steamed buns have helped me understand the Chinese cultural richness more than any other rhizzone poster and it would be my honour to perform this valiant sacrifice of being the taster of any/all steamed buns which may be made available to our group. I would also like some books, and communism. Thank you, dr cat （“猫博士”）
#19
Post rating: +++++
#20
Post rating: +
sup china, just saying "hey"
#21
[account deactivated]
#22
Post rating: ~
anyone know if china's read this?
#23
Post rating: +
i hope xi sees this bro
#24
Post rating: +

tears posted:

anyone know if china's read this?


sounds like someone hasn't received their commemorative medals in the mail yet

#25
Post rating: +
the first order of business for the Rhizzone MP3 Renaming Assault Group will be to declare the standard naming format of all MP3s, herefor and forevermore, to be <TRACK#>_<ARTIST>_<TITLE>. underscores only as spacing - there should be no blank spaces at all within the filename - anything else will result in harsh reprimand. artist name should be in all caps while track name should be title case, modified to include capitalization on subset words such as "the" and "of". compilation and soundtrack naming conventions TBD after bitter debate.
#26
lies half the time
Post rating: +
that's great, v helpful if you're only interested in listening to the third track of each album you have by all the various artists in your mp3 collection. sorting is a breeze, you never know which album the songs are from but you can be sure they are all the same track number! does anyone have any _serious_ suggestions
#27
[account deactivated]
#28
Post rating: +
I am not going to explain again my thesis on media storage filesystems directory hierarchies if you're all just going to keep ignoring it
#29
lies half the time
Post rating: +
mine is simple. the first track of each album goes in a folder called '1', the second goes in a folder called '2', etc, and each folder is then broken down into subfolders for each band. smdh karpman
#30
[account deactivated]
#31
Post rating: +
reserving my support for the chinese conquest until i know their stance on soulseek
#32
Post rating: +
if a track has non-ascii characters then I simply will not listen to it
#33
lies half the time
Post rating: ~
any1 w a green thumb have any tips for growing these orange (maybe lemon?) seeds that china is graciously sending us gratis
#34
UNUSUALY COOL
Post rating: +
#35
Post rating: ~
SEEDS?!!
#36
Post rating: ~
This shows there are two kinds of communism
#37
Post rating: ~

karphead posted:

SEEDS?!!


"Communists are like seeds and the people are like the soil."

#38
Post rating: ~
.

Edited by solidar ()

#39
Post rating: +
even now the seed of what you've done, germinates within you

#40
lies half the time
Post rating: ~

solidar posted:

did you actually get some? I really want some. seen the news fearmongering about how they are dangerous and might be an invasive species (lmao - the great communist plot to destroy american grass lawns with kudzu) but i'd start any type of seeds inside anyways and am pretty curious what is actually being sent


no.. . not yet!!

just seen photos folks been sharing w the local news