#41
penitent
Post rating: ~
i think it's more a position thing, i am pretty tall so the height difference means i just have all this elongated arm flailing around without anything much to do. this would be ok if i could sleep on my back but i've never really been able to. a few other possible solutions (opinions welcome): 1) amputation of one or both of my arms 2) replace bed with large pool of corn starch-based non-newtonian liquid 3) quit whinin 4) sever immediately 5) abstain from sleep, take amphetamines all night
#42
Post rating: +

littlegreenpills posted:

me: happy two weeks anniversary sweetheart, I can't wait to fly out to Japan and see you next month!
her: piss off. how can you prove to me you won't just run off after you get what you want
me: ....um, well, (laughs nervously) short of marrying you I can't really -
her: Sweet! I'll call the church



sounds like the standard russian/jewish trickery, i'm surprised you were naive enough to fall for it

#43
Post rating: ~
there's a gif for you deadken that is lifehacks.txt and describes how to put your arm to solve this frequently encountered spooning problem but i dunno where to find it and last saw it 3 years ago. i also get dead arm and also back pain from spooning all night while sleeping.
#44
Poronto
Post rating: ~

elemennop posted:

littlegreenpills posted:

me: happy two weeks anniversary sweetheart, I can't wait to fly out to Japan and see you next month!
her: piss off. how can you prove to me you won't just run off after you get what you want
me: ....um, well, (laughs nervously) short of marrying you I can't really -
her: Sweet! I'll call the church

sounds like the standard russian/jewish trickery, i'm surprised you were naive enough to fall for it



yeah i thought it was kinda weird how she cancelled all her accounts on rulove, visaconnect and getoutofthatshithole.com as soon as we got engaged

#45
Post rating: ~
sleeping on your back isn't that hard to do, especially if you're tired, even if you dont normally do it
#46
[account deactivated]
#47
[account deactivated]
#48
Poronto
Post rating: +

discipline posted:

deadken your body will eventually adjust to your lover's oils and bacteria fyi



if you want this thing to last you def need that rancid butter

#49
Post rating: +
just pee in her butt ya dunghuss
#50
Not Your S.H.I.E.L.D.
Post rating: ~

conec posted:

i maybe shouldnt tattoo shame her but she asked me to stick and poke "ad astra" on her foot because one of her professors has it in his syllabus.. she also got the title of a poem tattooed next to a grim reaper on her back and she had just heard of the poem for the first time its in an anthology her professor uses for the class.. weekends ago she had people over and they were all drinking she was talking about a professor she wants to sleep with and was saying sh`1t like "hes just like...so smart.. you know.."



hey getfiscal have you considered becoming a college professor

#51
Mike Nelson here.
Post rating: +++++

Superabound posted:

hey getfiscal have you considered becoming a college professor

#52
Post rating: +
jesus its like he tries to look like that
#53
Post rating: ~
lgp how do i tell my girlfriend im secretly a Brezhnevite?
#54
penitent
Post rating: ~

peepaw posted:

just pee in her butt ya dunghuss



yeah ok

#55
Poronto
Post rating: +

EmanuelaOrlandi posted:

lgp how do i tell my girlfriend im secretly a Brezhnevite?



draw a pair of big black eyebrows on with a sharpie, and make sure your intercourse consists of you wriggling your flaccid member back and forth for hours while she dies of boredom. so you should be halfway there already

#56
Post rating: ~

discipline posted:

deadken your body will eventually adjust to your lover's oils and bacteria fyi



hmm i noticed my skin getting worse since starting seeing someone so this is good and not just because we're both gross

#57
UNUSUALY COOL
Post rating: +
dear legups. i got a boot taken off my car today because i parked in the wrong place. i didn't want to date the person who took the boot off but i thought about what i would do if i did. so how could i meet that person again without getting the boot on my car? it's really cheap to take the boot off but getting a boot on your car twice in a short period of time would make you look really shitty and weird. thanks.
#58
[account deactivated]
#59
Post rating: ~
how does one persuade a romantic female partner to 'chill' lgp
#60
[account deactivated]
#61
Post rating: ~
rude and presumptive
#62
Post rating: ~
are inproms a thing? since i only have sex because i'm really lonely and it seems like the ppl i have sex with are the same way. how do you find an asexual partner?
#63
penitent
Post rating: ~
im improm, and also a fuckboy
#64
Poronto
Post rating: ~

daddyholes posted:

dear legups. i got a boot taken off my car today because i parked in the wrong place. i didn't want to date the person who took the boot off but i thought about what i would do if i did. so how could i meet that person again without getting the boot on my car? it's really cheap to take the boot off but getting a boot on your car twice in a short period of time would make you look really shitty and weird. thanks.



you mean a wheel clamp you numpty, i was envisaged having the trunk hacked out and welded back in again and thinking "that's some parking enforcement bravo bravissimo". a cool way to do this wd be to get a friend with massive self-loathing and repressed anger issues to park in a similar spot, then get mad arsey with the wheelclamp lady when she comes along. you can then step in and "rescue" her from the physical violence, console her with gentle compassionate voice and tell her she does a terrific and important job then i suppose flippantly say "i could say something REALLY dumb right now like do you wanna go and have coffee with me sometime?" i have tried this several times and it never actually works but its never led to anyone obsessively avoiding me afterwards either so its the best method i can think of

#65
Poronto
Post rating: ~

Ironicwarcriminal posted:

how does one persuade a romantic female partner to 'chill' lgp



be sure to give her a treat every time she spontaneously exhibits the desired behaviour. positive reinforcement is the ticket

#66
Poronto
Post rating: +

Lysenko posted:

are inproms a thing? since i only have sex because i'm really lonely and it seems like the ppl i have sex with are the same way. how do you find an asexual partner?



inprom is definitely a thing, exacerbated and encouraged by Big Condom, but unfortunately sexuality and physical desire is an essential part of being human. asexuality simply doesn't exist and anyone who espouses it is merely damaged. fortunately, if you meet a lady on okcupid in Japan and almost immediately marry her in a weirdly coerced way, you won't be able to tell the difference as long as you don't ask too many questions

#67
lame
Post rating: ~
i have a legit questino about a relationship
#68
Post rating: ~
asking anyone here about it seems like a bad idea
#69
Poronto
Post rating: +

futurewidow posted:

i have a legit questino about a relationship



Sever.

#70
lame
Post rating: +
my bf's father owns a yarn spinning factory, it's some 19th c shit

#71
Mike Nelson here.
Post rating: +++++
every marx needs his engels.
#72
Poronto
Post rating: +

futurewidow posted:

my bf's father owns a yarn spinning factory, it's some 19th c shit



sounds like a prime organizating opportunity for you and the PFF. Turn the place into a militant cooperative, then sever

#73
Marxsplainer
Post rating: +
unironic relationship advice: dont be a selfish jerk and you will have success in your relationships




#74
Marxsplainer
Post rating: +
corollary: do not enter into serious relationships with selfish jerks
#75
Marxsplainer
Post rating: ~
if, at any point during a relationship, you engage in any interaction with your s/o that you suspect might be construed as being selfish, stop it
#76
Marxsplainer
Post rating: ~
corollary: if, at any point during a relationship, your s/o engages in an interaction with you that you feel is selfish, explain why you think it is so in a respectful way and ask them to stop it
#77
Marxsplainer
Post rating: +
im ina wonderful + fulfilling relationship, im highjacking this thread. ask me your questions. not lgp, me.
#78
Marxsplainer
Post rating: +
or, lgp could answer the questions too and create an amusing "foil" for my advice. if he wants
#79
Poronto
Post rating: +++++

dank_xiaopeng posted:

unironic relationship advice: dont be a selfish jerk and you will have success in your relationships



dank_xiaopeng posted:

corollary: do not enter into serious relationships with selfish jerks



dank_xiaopeng posted:

if, at any point during a relationship, you engage in any interaction with your s/o that you suspect might be construed as being selfish, stop it



dank_xiaopeng posted:

corollary: if, at any point during a relationship, your s/o engages in an interaction with you that you feel is selfish, explain why you think it is so in a respectful way and ask them to stop it



massive virgin spotted

#80
Marxsplainer
Post rating: ~
no way, i have had sex, lots of times. dont listen to him everyone.